10 Reasons Why Most People NEVER Recover

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10 Reasons Why Most People NEVER Recover

There's one question that's nagged at me for YEARS.

And it is...

What separates the people who fully recover from those who suffer forever?"

Because the sad truth is most people NEVER recover from PTSD.

At first I thought those who healed were different, had some kind of special skill, or inborn talent...but the deeper I dug the more wrong I became.

I discovered that most people don't recover because most are unwilling to adopt the habits and mindset that's required to heal.

Healing isn't impossible...it's hard, but not impossible.

And in this video I outline the 10 key differences between those who fully recover and those who don't.

Here are the 10 shifts you must make in order to heal:

1. Dependence VS Independence
2. Blaming & Excuses VS Responsibility
3. No Control VS Controlling Your Thoughts
4. Stuck VS Change
5. Avoiding Pain VS Befriending It
6. Lying, Deception, and Denial VS Honesty
7. Self Hatred VS Self-love
8. Suppressing VS Expressing Emotion
9. Short Term Addicted VS Thinking & Acting long term
10. Playing Small VS Playing Big (Massive action)

Check it out and let me know what you think in the comments?

To your recovery!
Brad & the team at OvercomingPTSD.com

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Transcript

0:00  
Hey everyone, Brad Schipke here. And today I'm going to be talking to you about why most people never recover from PTSD. Now, this seems like a sad topic. But I'm actually going to show you the pitfalls that you need to avoid. And I outline 10 different things that we're going to walk through today, that if you can avoid those and make these very key essential mindset shifts,

0:22  
you will be in the group that succeeds and fully recovers versus in the masses were like, because most people don't regard them. Like, if you look at the masses out there, most people are not out there healing, living their best life and making progress, right? Most people out there are in pain, they're suffering, they've gone two years, if not decades of therapy, and are seeing no results. They're on a slew a grocery list of medications and not getting better. When you look at when I look out into the world, I see most of the people are in pain, I don't see most of the people recovering.

0:54  
And what I wanted to do for this video is I want to, I want to really analyze what are the key differences for the masses that are in a lot of pain, and constantly in pain and maybe suffering for decades and decades and decades. And between this the smaller segment of people that fully recover and go on to live, like their dream life, I've always been very interested in that, like, what is the difference between the people like the majority, that don't make it and the minority that do, right. And as I analyzed it, as someone who's helped a lot of people go from, you know, the majority group to the minority group, from being unsuccessful in healing to successfully healing and fully recovering.

1:36  
I've really narrowed it down to these 10 things. So if you can really grasp these 10 basic principles of healing,

1:43  
you will make it there. And these are the foundational things that you need to develop. So And the beautiful thing is that this successful people, they weren't born different, they went through just as much trauma they went through even sometimes, a lot of times even worse trauma than the people who end up suffering for their for their entire life.

2:03  
But they made the change, they made the conscious decision, the conscious commitment to do whatever it took to get that out of their life for good. Right so what I'm what I'm what I want you to do right now, before we even get to the content, is I want you to make that commitment to yourself, that you will commit to doing whatever it takes to get this out of your life for good because that is what it takes some half hearted, half assed belief that you're going to get better isn't going to cut it, you need to commit yourself to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to get there. Now it doesn't mean you need to, like overwhelm yourself and like, you know, push yourself to, to like exhaustion every single day, it just means that you won't give up. That's the primary thing. And if you don't give up, if you just constantly and consistently take those little steps forward, day after day, after day after day, and you just don't stop, you will make it and that's one of the first differences between the successful and the unsuccessful, the unsuccessful basically, they they like they got to this point where their pain which like I can't blame them because I was in I was in that group too. I was in the unsuccessful groups who I was in the, you know, the the hurt, depressed, hating my life group, you know, thinking about, you know, suicidal, having suicidal thoughts, I was in that group, right? I know what that's like, right. But um, to make that change, you need to make that commitment. So I want you to make that commitment. Right now with me. And right now I'm going to dive into those 10 things that I've kind of discovered that differentiates the two. And the really cool way, I'm going to put this in a way where like, I'm going to highlight how the mass like most of the people think and how you need to be thinking in order if you want to be successful. So I'm gonna go through, go through this, and then how to make the change to what you should be thinking about. So the first thing I see is that the the masses that are not healing that are going through the traditional system, they are in a dependent state, right? So they are in a state where, you know, they wake up, and they're like, and they put all of their hope into somebody else in order to heal them. Right. So this might be a therapist, this might be a doctor, this might be a psychiatrist, this might be a psychologist, this might be some some type of medication, they're always looking for something else, something else out in the world to heal them, right? They're like, Oh, this medication will heal me, this therapy will heal me, this person will heal me, like, I'll get the secret sauce, I'll get the secret little thing that's going to like make me fully recover, I'm going to get that little magic pill, right? And I'm going to keep looking in some other person, right? So I put my hope into someone, someone else. For my healing. That's what most people do. The successful people what they do is they go from that dependent state to an independent state. Now, they might still use a lot of the traditional

4:41  
pathways for recovery, right? They might still go to therapy, they might, you know, go go to doctors in the same psychologist or psychiatrist or whatever, but their intention in the way that they approach the situation is vastly and very significantly different. So instead of going in with this energy of like,

5:00  
I'm walking in here expecting you to fix me, they go in with that independent attitude. And they're like, Okay, this is what we're gonna do, this is what I want to work on, this is where I want to go. And I'm committed to getting there. Example. So, again, I, when I talk about all these things in the majority, and like the few that are successful, I was, whoa, isn't that majority words were like I was depressed, and I was not a very pleasant person to be around just to be to be perfectly honest.

5:26  
So in my beginning, my recovery, I was a very dependent person, I was very dependent. I had a very dependent mindset, right. And what that got me was like, things got worse and worse, and worse, and worse, and worse and worse until I spiraled down to my rock bottom. But I put my hope into it there because I put my hope into some other type of modality, or whatever it was, and it wasn't getting me the results I wanted, right? Because I had a half hearted, half hearted,

5:52  
half hearted attitude going into this. So I wasn't like, I'm committed, I know where I'm going, I know what I want. I know, like I want to get there, I wasn't taking control

6:01  
of my recovery, I was I was releasing all control of my recovery. I like, I'm like, I don't want it, you fix me, I don't want to fix me, I don't want to do any of the work.

6:10  
And that's what it was, you know, and that's where I see a lot of people. And that's where I was stuck.

6:16  
And it wasn't unfortunately, and then unfortunately, this is a big turning point for a lot of people is that they have to hit rock bottom right, they have to hit the low of the low of the low in order to make a change. So I hope that I can get you before you hit the bottom. Hope I can get you like up here and help you make the change right now. So you don't have to go as low as I did, or Kayleen did or anybody else that I know that hit rock bottom, I hope you don't have to go that low. But for me, I had to hit that bottom. Right. So I, I like man, I kind of sped it up, I kind of like to do things. You know, I go all in, right? So I went all in on my my downward trajectory. I went down, I was like, I was like, straight down. So I went like down and like, then I hit rock bottom. And you know, when you're at that point, you really ask yourself some some deep questions, right? So a lot of things are going wrong, you're experiencing a lot of pain. And that's when you start to reflect. Right? So you're basically rock bottom is just like a forced forced Moment of Reflection, right? where everything's going wrong. And like you're forced into this, this position of pain, where you're forced to reflect, why is this going wrong? What am I doing wrong? What can I do differently, so you're forced into that situation. But like I said, you don't have to be forced in this situation, you can do that at any point. In your recovery. And your downward trajectory, you can say, why is this happening at any point, it's just that most people choose not to ask not to make any changes. And then that just drives on further and further down. Until they hit that rock bottom point. So for me, that rock bottom point was a huge turning point for me. And it was, it was a it was a launching point. So like a hit, and then I launched but then you know, it wasn't it wasn't perfect from that point on, but that was that started my upward trajectory from there. So from there, I made the decision, I made the commitment, like I am no longer going to put my hope into somebody else, I'm no longer going to put my hope in a, you know, a therapist or, or a book or this guru or whatever, like, I'm doing this, I'm doing this my way and I'm going to I'm going to take control this, I'm gonna take responsibility for this. I'm going to go full force and what I believe is right, so

8:14  
the first thing I did is I went back to the same, the very same therapist, right? The very same therapist that I had, when I was in this dependency, I went back to her and I'm like, okay,

8:24  
you know, let's, this is what I want to do. I want to work on this specific memory, and I'm gonna work on processing this and let's go right now. Right? So in before when I would attend a therapy session, I would, I would, I would kind of come in and then she would kind of just like, talk with me, I was like, I was totally hands off. Like, I wouldn't take any control. I was just like, okay, you guide the session. I don't know anything. I'm kind of just dumb and ignorant and don't know anything. So you take control and you basically direct my healing in my life in the time that's here.

8:55  
But what I did this time, was like I went in there with intention, I knew what I wanted to work on, right? So I didn't I didn't I didn't allow that beginning session of chitchat. I'm like okay, here's what I want. Here's where I want to go this is how I want to feel let's go and we started right then in there. So in the past I would probably get like 2030 minutes of like healing work. But after after I started being independent, it was like 45 minutes so there's only like five minutes of downtime if you're talking about like a 15 minute session. So I went in there and I took control I'm like, this is what we're doing. And then from there with that same independent attitude I was like, let me buy every single book I can find on Amazon and let me freakin read it let me tear it apart. Let me try everything let me learn all the tools right let me learn everything I can from everywhere. And I tried all these different types of therapy I tried all these different

9:44  
books all these things I saw in books some some things were like, like super spiritual, and like I'm like this is this is this is a little crazy, but I'm like, when you're out there, rock bottom. I'll do pretty much anything right? So I tried it. I tried everything that I could get my hands on, but the most important shift. It wasn't any one

10:00  
tool, it wasn't like any modality, it wasn't like a therapy, it wasn't a therapist, it was me going from that dependent attitude to an independent

10:09  
attitude, taking control of my recovery, me doing whatever it took to be like, if I'm going to heal, it's up to me. If I'm going to beat this thing, it's going to be because of me.

10:21  
And that's the major, that's the first major shift that I

10:26  
distinguished from the unsuccessful versus the successful in healing. So if you want to, if you feel like you're, if you're and identify for yourself, are you in a dependency, are you going to therapy and just expecting the therapist to heal you, and then you're just, you know, sitting back, almost fell the rest of the week,

10:44  
and just doing nothing,

10:46  
because I can tell you that won't get you anywhere.

10:49  
If you're just going to therapy once a week, you're not going to go anywhere you take take hold of the reins of your own life of your own recovery and start directing it. Right. So that's the first thing you need to first shift you need to you need to make in order to fully recover. Now the second shift.

11:05  
And the second big differentiation is to go from place of blaming and making excuses to taking full responsibility. So this kind of this is kind of just a different dimension of the first going from that to independent.

11:20  
But what I see out there,

11:22  
again, when I kind of analyze, okay, what's the difference between, you know, the unsuccessful and the successful people that have that I've seen out there or the people that have coached is that, you know, the unsuccessful people, they kind of have this major, major, it's like a crisis out there, man, it's a, it's a crisis, this major, major victim mentality where, like, in like it, like trauma kind of develops that and I had, I had, again, I speak from personal experience, you know, I might have had the worst victim mentality out of everyone, you know, so

11:52  
I'm, when I say all these things, I'm by no means putting anybody down. Because like

12:00  
I did, I did all these things. So

12:03  
that that shift is to go from, you know, blaming, making excuses, having that victim mentality, to taking responsibility for yourself and just owning things, owning things, 100%, owning your situation, 100% owning everything in your life and be like, again, I'm going to take control of this, right? So a lot of people out there, they like to put the blame on on a lot of things that don't put the blame on, like, my therapist isn't good enough. We're like, you know, my boyfriend doesn't support me or like this, this person doesn't support me, or this person doesn't like me, right? I had this trauma in my past, I had this trauma in my past, I had this trauma pass, I promise you that I can find somebody who has gone through just as much as you've gone through. And actually way more than you've gone through and fully has fully recovered.

12:49  
So like, there's like, here's the thing, here's what happens, right? When you when you start pointing outwards,

12:56  
you are releasing all control over your life, and you can't do anything, you're releasing all power in all control over to somebody else, or some other idea or something, right?

13:06  
The only thing, the only person that can that you are the only thing in your life that you can control is yourself. And essentially what you're doing,

13:17  
when you're like, Oh, this trauma, I can't, I can't heal because of this trauma, or I can't heal because of you know, this person in my life, or this person in my life, or my whole family, or whatever it is, what you're doing is like, you're taking all your control, you're putting it out there, when in reality, the only person you can control is you. So again, instead of looking out there, focus, stop focusing on all the things you can't control. You can't control those people. You can't control what they do to you. But you can control you. And most people put all their focus on all the things they can't control and none of the focus on the things that they actually can control. And the trick here is to flip that 100%

13:53  
don't pay any attention.

13:56  
There's other stuff.

13:58  
When other people think what other people do, focus on you focus on you, everything else will get better.

14:05  
Okay, focus on you 100% focus on your healing focus on your mind, and changing your inner world because when you change your inner world, your outer world will change. So,

14:17  
again, I have been here, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times. There were.

14:23  
I'll tell you a quick story about kind of how I embodied this hardcore victim mentality in my life.

14:30  
So there was in in, as you know, my partner Kayleen in business and in life, my lovely partner Kayleen

14:40  
there were there were some people in her life, that hurt that hurt her a lot, right? That caused her a lot of trauma in her past, and I became very, very, very resentful, right? And a lot of that trauma that came in was have that Kayleen went through all like cazalla anger in her and a lot of that

15:00  
Anger is coming out at me. Right? So, I love Kaylee. And I've always loved Kaylee. And there was a point where I developed a major victim mentality where I blamed her for how my life was going, because you know, she would get angry because of the stuff that she went through. And I started to, you know, get really hurt and start to go down, you know, down the spiral. So I started to blame her, but even more, so I blamed the people that hurt her.

15:27  
And I remember just like not being able to sleep at night with just so much anger and rage, and it was just so scary to have. But like, I remember sitting one night, I'm like, man, I am, like, these people don't even know what I'm experiencing. I remember laying down on my bed, and I'm like, I'm just like, fuming, I'm just so angry. Because like, at these people that hurt the person, like the love of my life, the person I like, really, really, really care about. And I was just fuming. And I just remember thinking this one night, I was like, Man, these people like,

15:59  
like, they might be on like, some beautiful cruise in the Caribbean. And I'm here stuck in my bed, thinking about them. And I'm like, they're just alive in my head. They could be out doing whatever they're doing. But they had they've like, set up, there's like living in my head. They're set up shop in my head. And like, they're controlling me, they're controlling my life, my statement, my life, man.

16:20  
And my entire emotional state. And then from there, I like realize how much of a victim I was being and how much like I was putting releasing all the power and control I had. So then right then and there, I asked myself, What can I do to make myself feel better? How can I move past these emotions? Because they're my emotions, right? That was another thing I realized, like, these aren't their emotions, okay, they kind of trigger these emotions inside of me. But at the end of the day, they're my emotions. They're not responsible for my emotions, I'm responsible for my emotions, because I'm the only person that can control my emotions. Now, that's a radical view. You may not like it. Some people don't like when I say, Oh, you can control your emotions, or you're responsible for your emotions. But you are. If you're not, then who is who can control your emotions other than you. And I'm not I'm not saying that it's right for someone to, you know, say mean things or anything like that, um, I used to be bullied a lot. I do not like people who do those things, trust me. And nor do I condone any of that stuff, that the end of the day, it's like, are you going to let some bully in your life control you? Are you going to let someone who's done all these bad things in your life control you or are you going to own it, and you've got Are you going to learn how to overcome those emotions, that you feel your emotions.

17:31  
Because once you once you get to that point, we've accepted, okay, these are my emotions, I'm going to control them, I'm going to do whatever whatever it takes to overcome these, that's when you start making progress. And the best thing, like one of the worst things you can do is like, allow all of these other people or outside forces to affect you in such a negative way.

17:51  
Right, it's like you're letting all those things when you're letting like that, that bad person win or that abuser win or that traumatic experience to win or whatever, you're letting the all the negative in your life when

18:04  
when you do that.

18:06  
So if you really want to fight back, you have to take responsibility for yourself, you have to own it, you have to be like this is these are my emotions.

18:13  
And I am going to do whatever it takes to overcome it, to heal it to feel good to feel good for me, for me. So that is the big transition you'll need to make. That's the second thing to go from blaming, making excuses, developing this hardcore victim mentality to going to the side of taking full responsibility and owning, owning owning your life 100% you can't control what happens to you, you can't be you can control how you how you react to it. So Own your life on your emotions, Own your recovery, own every element of it.

18:43  
And you know, and focus on that focus on what you can do versus all the things you can't do, and you will start making steps forward. Alright, so let's move to the third thing, again, kind of ties into the last thing. Most people that I see out there who are unsuccessful with healing, basically release all control, like and One very common thing is like, I can't control my triggers. I can't control my thoughts. I can't control my emotions. I can't control anything.

19:08  
Right? So that's a very common excuse that I hear from people. When they say like, I can't heal, they're like, I can't Well, I can't control my thoughts. I can't control all these things in my life. And basically, when they do that, they're like, Oh, I can't do anything.

19:23  
And they just like, set up shop down at rock bottom. And then, you know, since they're like, they kind of have given up all together again, I've been there. I've been there. I know what it's like. But they set up shop, they start building the house down there at rock bottom, and they never escape. Because they believe that they can't change that they have no control over anything. And nothing at all. Right? So that's what most people do. And the few people that are successful in healing, they take control. Right? They realize, Hey, I can't control this. Yes, it's not easy. Yes. It's frickin hard. Yes, it's hard to control my emotion. Yes. It's hard to make

20:00  
That decision to, to do the positive thing versus the negative thing, but I can control me.

20:06  
And they make that decision because it is a decision that you make, that is a choice that you make. Now, like I said before, there are things that you can't control, right? If you can't control what other people do think, say whatever to you.

20:18  
You can control you. And you can actually control the way that you react to it. And whether or not you allow it, whether or not you allow it to continue. There are a lot of things that are in your control that you just

20:29  
give away, right. So you do have control over things.

20:34  
You control your thoughts, you control of your emotions, you have control over your choices, it's just like, we usually just release control over everything. The only thing that we have control over. So that was the third thing. The fourth thing, this is a really good one, this one will really help you. It's very simple. It's so simple. But it's such a key mindset shift that I had that I was like, it blew my mind it changed, change my entire recovery. Once I like, learn this, it's so simple. And you'll be like, once you hear it, you're like, that's, that's too simple. That's kind of dumb. But

21:07  
I swear to God, it is amazing.

21:11  
And if you can grasp this, you will, you will start to self correct, right. And this is kind of a principle that will help you get into that independent state of healing. Right? So

21:26  
this was one of my four. So the fourth thing now is, most people feel like they're stuck, right? That they can never change. And the few people that recover,

21:39  
look for change, right? So change the principle of change, right. And that change is required for change. And again, like I said, it's so simple, it's so dumb.

21:48  
But most people they get stuck in these pathways, these these habitual ways of thinking, you know, they have this one trigger, and then they have this automatic mind thought process that just spirals out of control. Like one bad thing can happen, it can, it can trigger this negative thought pattern that just spirals out of control. Right? So I'll just tell you a story of like, kind of how I kind of discovered this myself and how, how it's impacted my life. And it's been incredibly, incredibly helpful. And it might be maybe this one should have even been first because like, it's so obvious and so simple. But at the same time, almost nobody is doing it. Because it's challenging. And although it's obvious, it's like, also not obvious when you are in your own head, and you're just like kind of overwhelmed, your mind is just swimming with all these different things. But I remember

22:39  
kind of figuring this out when I was like,

22:43  
around the same time, you know, I had the story of like, these people were hurting Kayleen. And I was blaming them and blaming them and blaming them and blaming them. I remember again, I think this is this is just an example. But around that same time I remember laying in bed and being like, man, I just keep blaming him and blaming him blaming him, I keep getting angry at them. And what does that get me. I just thought about like, kind of like the steps that happened. I'm like, okay, like, I get triggered, I get angry, I flip out, I get my blood boils, I can't focus, I can't do anything productive. And basically, the rest of my night is shot, right? Just because you know, one little tiny trigger. And then I just kind of go down this this sequence of anger. And I'm like, wow, I keep doing that. And I know the result that's going to happen. I know like if, if I hear about this person or see this person, and I make the choice to to get angry, and I make the choice to, to dwell on that and just think, think and imagine and visualize all the bad things that person did. And if I make that choice to do that, I know exactly what's going to happen. I know the exact sequence of events that is going to occur. If I take that first step

23:51  
of blaming this person.

23:54  
Right? I know if I blame this person, I'll get angry, I'll spin out of control. I'll start visualizing all these negative things, and it will ruin my night and might even get in the fight with Kayleen just to you know, put some sprinkles on the top. So I was like man, I keep doing this thing again and again and again and again. Why am I not learning that this isn't a good strategy.

24:15  
Why am I not freaking getting it and that's where most people are stuck. They keep doing this thing again and again and again and again. They keep reacting to these old stimuli stimuluses in the same way, they keep doing the same thing. They keep running away from their problems, they keep running and nothing with with TV or video games or whatever else. They keep doing the same thing again and again and again and again, and they know

24:37  
that it doesn't work. They don't take that tiny step back. Just to be like this, just to acknowledge this isn't working. What's something else I can do? I need to change I need to do something different. I know this path doesn't work. I know if I go down this path, it will be bad It will be negative. So I need to change that path. I need to choose a new path.

25:02  
And that right there is changed my life. Just saying the word change, change, change, choose a new path in my mind when something bad happens. When you feel this emotion, overwhelm you choose a new path, don't go down that old path, you know where that old path goes, you need to change it, choose a new path that will lead you to a different destination. And there's, in that situation, you know, one thing, you know, one thing that you can guarantee that that path that you've been going down is the wrong path. And a lot of people get stuck because they're like, I don't know, a better path. But what I say is, you only know one thing, you know that that path that you're on right now, frickin sucks. And it's going to lead you to a very, very bad place. So the likelihood that you pick a different path, and it's a little bit better, is very, very high. So take the chance and just do anything different. And you will likely get a more positive outcome. And then if you keep changing, you keep just basically testing, like, let's go down this path, let's see what's down here, let's go down this path, let's let's go down here, you will eventually find better and better and better paths to go down better and better solutions for your current problems. But it starts with change starts with realizing that the path you're going down right now

26:16  
is not working.

26:18  
It's not.

26:21  
So like, when you get triggered by your, here's an example. A different example.

26:28  
Example from my life, right? So like

26:33  
kailyn, I used to, we used to fight a lot, right? So we get a lot of fights. And

26:39  
it got I'm not like a fighter, I like I do not like conflict, pretty much at all. So but I got to the point where I became a fighter. And

26:50  
I just remember like, you know, I would I would start seeing like Kayleen get get angry or a little frustrated or something. And then like that would trigger some like, anger inside of me as well. And I just remember, like, my habit from that point was like to be like white, like, Why are you angry? Like, I didn't do anything wrong? Why are you angry? And then it was like, I would instigate even further like, and then she would, and then she would come back and we just, you know, heat up and heat up and the pressure would build and build and build and build and then

27:19  
it would it would be a really big, really big fight. But um, I just remember

27:25  
in that scenario, like are you in a scenario like that where like you are getting angry, are you are you like building going down this path of anger.

27:34  
Knowing that that path doesn't work. So another example going with that going with that same story.

27:40  
I discovered that if I don't make that remark,

27:45  
and I still feel my angers of emotion, I make the choice. Instead of like kind of instigating,

27:49  
I make the choice, I go down the different path of taking a step out of room and then drilling down all my anger, I was able to process that anger, I was able to still get it all out of me. And I didn't I wasn't, you know, suppressing it.

28:04  
I was releasing it just in a different medium that didn't hurt the people I loved. And that was a different path I chose and I was like, wow, this path actually works, it works really dang well. So that's what you got to do, you got to realize your first year on the wrong path. And that you need to make a change, you need to make a change, you need to make a new path. Alright, so that was the The fourth thing there, I hope you got a lot of value out of that one. Even though it's super simple, just realizing that you are on the wrong path, you need to choose a new path will help you immensely, you need to do something different. Alright, so the fifth thing here is that most people who don't recover, who never recover, avoid their pain, they avoid their pain, like the plague. They're like the pain, the pain, I don't want the pain and you go away from pain, and you never run from the pain pains. It's so much and it is. And again, I've been there.

28:52  
But the people who are successful in their healing, they befriend their pain, they realize their pain is there for a reason their pain is there to teach them a lesson. Their pain is there to help them grow. And they don't see as they don't look at pain as something as like they're trying to get away from

29:11  
No, they don't like it. No one likes pain, right? But they befriend it, they use it.

29:17  
They use it for their growth for their lessons.

29:20  
So they look at the pain and they see an opportunity. Whereas the people who who never recover, they look at their pain. And they're like, I don't want to go there. I don't want to go there ever. I don't want to I don't want to think about I don't want to even anything, right. And again, like again, I've been there I like it's hard. It's pretty hard. But that's why I'm here to help you make that shift. Because if you keep running away from your pain, you're never going to get to the root of the pain of why it's happening in the first place and you're never going to be able to heal it.

29:51  
And that's the distinction. That's the difference. If you keep running away from your pain, you'll never get to the root of it. You'll never learn the lessons you need to learn in order to over

30:00  
Comment. So you need to make the shift from going from, I'm terrified of this pain, I'm going to run away from it, I'm never going to face that I'm never going to feel my emotions, to befriending it to seeing, hey, it's there to help me, it's there to teach me, how can I, how can I use this pain? What is the message of this pain is trying to tell me, and how can I use it,

30:21  
to overcome it

30:23  
to make my life better to improve.

30:26  
So what you need to do is you need to redefine it, and you start moving towards it, and using it for lessons and using it for growth.

30:36  
So that's the fifth thing, it's a huge thing, it's a huge thing. When you do that, I would recommend

30:42  
it makes it a lot easier to have some some tools to help you face that pain.

30:48  
And I do intend on releasing a few more videos about how to face that pain, how to look at it and actually actually learn the lessons from it. But a key shift you need to make is going from avoiding it. Avoiding the pain like the plague to befriending it and using it for your recovery. Because it's such a positive force in your life. And if you if you can change that belief, you might, you might be Brad Brad, you're freaking crazy, right? But basically pain in your life pain in your life is just basically the alarm in your body. Like, please pay attention, please pay attention, fix me, fix me, fix me, fix me. That's what pain is. And when you look at it, when you look at the pain, you're looking at the problem, like okay, how can I solve this? what's going wrong? How can I fix it? Why is this happening, and you start to dissect the problem and fix it.

31:32  
So that was the fifth thing, avoiding pain versus befriending it. Now the sixth one, this is another really huge breakthrough for me is such a massive, massive, massive breakthrough.

31:42  
And it has to do with like repression and suppression of emotions.

31:46  
And this is a really hard one for most people to deal with.

31:51  
But most people who never recover the people who never recover, they

31:57  
do a lot of lying, lying to themselves self deception, and self denial.

32:04  
So they lie to themselves, they deceive themselves, and they didn't like they deny that they're feeling or thinking certain things, right. And the people who fully recover, they get to a place where they are fully honest. And they value honesty. And I'm not talking about like the the trait honesty of where you're like, I always need to tell the truth to other people and I can never lie and I can never whenever I'm talking about like the honesty to yourself. I mean, that's like honesty, just across the board is super important. Being honest to yourself being authentic. That's you being honest out into the world. Bring your authentic self that's you being honest out into the world. But you honestly expressing your emotions, how do you honestly feel? How did this trauma honestly affect you? How did these things in your life honestly affect you? Because what happens is that when you experience a trauma, all of those emotions, all of those, all of that negative energy,

32:55  
negative thoughts, negative beliefs, all that is like inside of you.

33:00  
Right? And most of the time, we deny that we suppress it, it's repressed.

33:06  
We lie to ourselves, oh, it's not that big of a deal. we deceive ourselves, it's like, Okay, well that, you know, that wasn't that thing didn't really hurt me that bad. Are you denying me like it's not even there? Like I don't, I don't feel this. And a lot of times we feel guilt, we feel guilt over the emotions that we feel we're like, oh, we shouldn't feel this way.

33:26  
We're not supposed to feel this way. Because we were brought up to maybe not get angry at people. So you might be you know, suppressing, or the anger might be repressed. inside of you might be holding that down. You might be lying to yourself when like, like you're angry about something, but like, You're lying to yourself, saying that I'm not angry. But in reality, you've just been trained to think that anger is bad. And that's just an example it can be any sort of emotion might be sadness might be crying, you know, like, you know, I want to cry, but I'm not being honest about my need to have to cry.

34:00  
So I hold it in and I push it down. And that's what this is all about is like when you don't honestly allow yourself to express what you need to express or face what you need to face or say what you need to say, honestly,

34:15  
that all that stuff is gonna be held in. So until you're able to go inside of yourself and honestly, express all the things that you're holding back. You're not going to be able to go forward because you're just going to be holding it. So honesty, honesty, honesty, honesty, honesty. Be honest with yourself. How do you honestly feel how do you honestly feel how did this thing honestly affect you? Let it out.

34:40  
Journal it out, whatever it is, let the emotions out and just be honest, be honest.

34:46  
And then once you're honest with yourself, you feel just try it. You'll try it and like when you're honest with yourself and just let it go. You'll feel this massive release.

34:54  
This pent up release that you've held on held held inside of you for so long, if you're just honest about it, you know now

35:00  
Maybe Maybe you weren't allowed to be angry, when you're younger, maybe you weren't allowed to be sad, maybe you weren't allowed to cry, maybe you weren't allowed to do all these things. But when you're just like, when you just accept yourself, and you're like, I, like I want to cry, I need to cry, or like, this part of me is really angry, or like this part of me is really hurt. And you allow that part of you to express its hurt feelings, you're that angry part of you to express how angry it is, and not in any negative way. And you allow that part of you that wants to cry, to cry. And when you do that, you express your emotions and you let it go, you let it go.

35:36  
You're no longer clinging to it, you're no longer holding, holding on to it for dear life. It's gone. Did letting it go. Right. And obviously, this is like an oversimplification of kind of the process. But the honesty will be an amazing, amazing turning point for you in recovery, if you're really able to grasp it and pull it in. Alright, so that was what that was. That was number six, we're on to seven, we're move along here. This is awesome. So number seven here is that most people are in this the state of self hatred, where they hate themselves, they hate their lives, and they hate everything in it. Right? I say those together, cuz that's what I used to say, I'm like, I hate my life, I hate my I know, I'm not gonna say it, because

36:19  
I don't like saying that stuff anymore. So they go from a place of self hatred to a place of self love.

36:25  
So what this really does to you, and you'll find that a lot of these things I'm talking about are like, interconnected, and like, they kind of mesh together in a really beautiful, beautiful way. So when you when you hate yourself, and when you're really down yourself,

36:41  
and you beat yourself up,

36:43  
basically, you are just you are, you're you're going to be unable to go to the deeper levels inside of yourself that you're going to need need to get to.

36:55  
Whereas you need to start making that shift to the self love and finding that innate value within yourself, that may be worth inside of yourself, regardless of where you're at. And that love will just unlock more and more pieces. Because you can just think about this for yourself. Like when someone's angry at you, what do you do?

37:13  
when someone gets mad at you and is angry, it's like, you know, whatever, I don't know how to get angry anymore. But

37:23  
when someone's angry at you, what do you do?

37:26  
You either like lash out, you fight them back, or you like, your like,

37:31  
your shrink or you'll close up, you'll close up altogether. And when you're angry and mad yourself or you're hate yourself, you're hard on yourself, you're just closing everything up.

37:42  
Or you're causing different parts of yourself to fight. So you just have this big inner conflict inside of yourself. And you don't have that inner harmony, right, which is peace. Another way to say that is peace. So when you're fighting yourself,

37:54  
you're unable to get that point of peace. Because there always be that inner conflict, because you're starting it. Like when you're like you're starting the fight, you're like throwing the first punch. And then like, another party is gonna throw another punch. And like it's just like this mayhem inside of you. Right? But when you approach it with love, like when someone approaches you with love, how do you feel

38:17  
you might be like, a little defensive at first, like, I don't believe you like I'm a little skeptical. Like, someone used to say they used to love me in the past and they hurt me whatever. But if that person just came came at you with love, love, love, love, nothing but love and I mean real love like like unconditional, unconditional unclouded love, just for you,

38:35  
you would eventually open up get to a point where you would build trust with that person, and your heart would start opening up and you would open up even more. Right. So that's, that's the importance of self love, is that it opens up these parts of you that have been locked away for so long from being pushed away, or yelled at or whatever.

38:56  
So, like I said before, you need to find that, when you're at rock bottom, you can still find that self love, there's still reasons to love you. There are reasons that you can be loved, even if you're at rock bottom right now. And honestly, that is the best place to find self love. Because if you can find love for yourself there, you can find it anywhere. And that's where I found love for myself

39:18  
was at that rock bottom moment. So

39:23  
that's a thing that you will need to think about, you know, what, what are the things that cannot be taken away from me? Maybe it's my smile, you know, he was that, you know, I can make people laugh. You know, maybe it's that like, I think people are good. Maybe it's like I want to help people. Maybe those are the things that are good about me what are all the good things about me. You can just start listing and listing and listing and listing all of those. And

39:45  
those are all the things that you can take away. So you want to look for all the things that that are good about you that are like worth like, why you're so worthy. That can never be taken away. And when you find that you have that foundation of love

40:00  
for yourself, you will be able to unlock more and more closed off areas of yourself so you can heal and go deeper into your own healing. Alright, so that was number seven. Again, we're cruising, this is good. Alright, so number eight is to go again, this, again, a lot of these are connect together is to go from a place where you're you're suppressing emotion.

40:20  
Right. So what most people do is when they go through a trauma, and this is why they don't recover, they go through trauma,

40:26  
or multiple traumas, or whatever, they go through all these hard experiences, and they suppress all their motions. And what that means is that they push them down. So they don't have to feel them. Right. So you go through the saying, you experienced a lot of emotions come up, and then you push them down, right. And then you might like, you might push them down, then you get triggered, and then they all come out, and then you push them back down again, you get triggered, they all come out and you push them back down again. But you start to build this habit of suppression and this habit of pushing all of your emotions down. So it's like this big, just pressurize thing inside of you just waiting to explode. Now you need to go from place of that, where you're suppressing and holding back all of your emotions to a place of releasing your emotions, expressing your emotions, authentically, honestly, like I was saying before, and that's the major, major shift you need to take. Because if you're unable to honestly Express, this is what I was saying earlier, if you're unable to honestly release all the emotions that you're feeling, or just allow yourself to feel the emotions that you should have felt back then

41:23  
you won't be able to get through it. So

41:27  
example example in my life wife, this is an example from my life. So

41:34  
I used it was it used to be so hard for me to express emotion, and it still is challenging, it's like, it's not an innate thing for me to do. Like my, my nature is to kind of hold it down. And it's very hard for me to access emotions. But I have learned I have developed the skill to release my emotions and to let them out and has been a game changer, I wouldn't have been able to heal without it.

41:57  
And for a lot of you out there, you've been pushing down emotions for so long that it's become a habit. And

42:04  
you may you may not even know if you can even feel right, you might have that like thought in your head. He's like, man, Brad, like, I don't even know if I can feel him or I don't know, I don't even know if I can let these emotions out if I wanted to. Or you might be like, I want to let these emotions out and I can't even cry. And all you know what, like, what a good cry feels like, it feels so good. Right? It feels amazing to Let it out, let those emotions out. And that's all I'm talking about yours, just like letting it out letting out your emotions honestly.

42:28  
So what you're going to need to do is develop the skill of releasing emotions, letting them go,

42:35  
and is a skill. And a great way to do this is to get into a quiet place where you're all alone, no one's around, and you lay down, you get comfortable, you do a few real relaxation exercises. And then you scan your body for where you're feeling the emotion, and then you consciously release and relax that part of your body. And you will feel some emotion start to come up.

42:55  
But it's a practice and you need to be intentional about doing this. So that is why I like a key change that you'll need to take is to go from

43:03  
suppressing your emotions, holding them all back to releasing them, expressing them authentically and honestly. Because when you do that you're letting it go. And a big part of healing and trauma is

43:15  
allowing yourself to honestly express the emotions, thoughts and beliefs

43:21  
that were created at the point of the trauma.

43:26  
So you go through this trauma, and you don't allow yourself to truly feel it. You lose this loved one, you don't truly allow yourself to grieve. So you hold on to it, and it's in there. But if you start releasing those emotions and letting them go, you're going to start to heal. So that was the eighth thing. Again, we're cruising here. And the ninth ninth thing here is that most people

43:48  
who never recover, go are in a place where they are addicted, they are totally addicted to short term gratification. And it goes along with what I was saying before.

44:01  
With your you're just kind of stuck in running and numbing and trying to get relief instantly. But like people who who never recover, they are addicted to that short term gratification. And thus they are unable to even think about or even working towards consistently a long term goal. And that's what recovery is it's a long term goal. And long term can be different for everybody. It can be defined differently for everybody.

44:26  
But it can be anywhere from you know, three months, six months, 12 months, two years, three years, depending on who you are in the level of effort that you put forth. So that's the major shift you need to take is to go from short term thinking and addicted to short term gratification to long term, becoming a long term thinker and becoming addicted to long term success and gratification. Right And you do that by removing a lot of the short term

44:51  
kind of gratification things that you do or the short term gratification actions that you have and start replacing them with the more long term

45:01  
Thinking actions, and also just helps to think long term as well and get around other people who are thinking long term and working towards that goal as well.

45:10  
Because like I said, sometimes

45:12  
every time, every time in recovery, you will start working on something, and you will not see traction, instantly,

45:21  
you will not see it instantly, it will require some work, some things you might need to work at four weeks before you get a breakthrough in recovery.

45:31  
That's just the reality. And like, if you were just like, if you have the short term mentality, you're gonna be like, I went to, I like I tried this thing, once I did this processing tool once, and it didn't work, therefore it doesn't work. And if that's your mentality, if you try something once, and you're like, oh, it doesn't work, therefore, it will never work, then you will never heal. And that's why most people are broken. Because they'll try something once and then they'll give up. Maybe it is the wrong thing. Maybe you try it, and you actually give it a good try. And it doesn't work. And then at that point, people like oh, I knew it wasn't gonna work, I told you, it wasn't gonna work. See, I'm still broken, I still like my life still sucks. Like at that point, you have to go back to be like, Okay, this path isn't working, I need to what I need to change, I need to go down a new path. Now you're seeing how all these are starting to tie together here. So

46:21  
if you are only taking short term actions, you will not get there, you will not heal, because you need to start thinking long term because the action that you take today, you might not see results from and you have to be okay with that. That's just part of the process. You have to you have to be okay, with working for an hour, two hours, three hours and seeing no results. And still have the confidence and the hope and the belief in yourself that someday you will get better.

46:44  
So you need to be able to work and see nothing and work and see nothing and work and see nothing and work and see nothing are working, see nothing.

46:52  
Until you do until the reward actually comes. Right. And that's and that's that's the thing is like most of what life is most of like the things that you need to do. Or like most of the goals that you have in life, there are longer term goals, and you're not going to

47:08  
see them instantly, you're going to have to work and not see anything and work and not seeing anything work and not seeing anything. If you want to lose weight you're gonna have to diet and not seeing the results for a while, right? Like you might not look that much different for like the first two months, you know, but then on month three, you'll be like, wow, I'm starting to look good. Like, you'll probably see a steady decline in your weight. But you might not you might not look any different. And you might be like, if you were thinking short term, you'd be like, wow, like, like this isn't worth it. I'm like this isn't moving fast enough. But you need to be patient, you need to think long term, you need to stay consistent with your actions until you see the results of them. So

47:47  
if you can make that shift from instant gratification, addicted to instant gratification, I'm only looking for the thing that's going to give me relief right now, right. So if you're just like that's where most people with medication aren't I don't have anything against medication medication has saved the lives of many people. And it's been required for a lot of people.

48:05  
But a lot of people also get dependent on it because that their belief is like, I'm only going to look for look for the thing that's going to give me the quick hit, I'm just looking for the hit, right? Whether it's TV, or

48:16  
food or medication or therapy, again, it's almost like you're in this dependent state, I'm looking for this little quick fix, right, you need to get out of that there is no quick fix. There is no quick fix, there are fixes that are faster than others. There are paths, like if you have someone to guide you and help you through the process, who's already done it, that would be a lot quicker than going on your own, for example. But the process is going to take time, regardless of what you do. So you have to get out of that instant, quick fix attitude. Alright, so that is the ninth thing and the 10th thing. The 10th thing is that most people who never recover, play small,

48:52  
they play small, the small, they do small things, they're not all in.

48:58  
They'll try something once. They'll be like, Oh, I watched this video and whatever, I'll go back to watching TV, I'll go back to doing this, I'll go back to doing this. They play small, they don't take massive action.

49:12  
But you need to make that shift from playing small to playing big from from not really caring, not really making this a priority to making this your main priority and going all in and being 100,000% committed to overcoming this no matter what the hell hits you. Because you will a lot of stuff is gonna hit you. You're going to face a lot of problems and you have to have the commitment to make it through there. So become someone who thinks big. become someone who acts big gum, someone who plays big, become someone who takes massive action, who just goes and does it.

49:48  
Example Kayleen in her recovery, right, she was somebody she wasn't always like this, but there was a turning point after some of her rock bottom moments where she

50:00  
She She was like, I'm, I'm done playing small, I am done just trying like all these little things I want to work, I want to go, I want to frickin launch. I'm ready for this, right? I'm committed, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. And what she did, she took five days, and spent over 50 hours of healing processing. On those five days, in at the end of that 50 hours at the end of that five days, can you imagine that healing for five days, there's even a point in that in the in the five days where she passed out, because she was pushing yourself so hard. But she was at a point where just like, Do or die, I'm going to get this done. I'm going to get this done. And when you have that level of commitment, and you act that big, and you play that big, you start seeing results. So she did that. And she was able to heal her flashbacks in her nightmares. Never had one ever again. Right? And there that I'm not saying that's just one element of PTSD there was there was a lot of other stuff that had to be fixed and work through. But she played big and she got she won big. And that's the point. That's when you play big, you win big. Most people play small. And that's why they lose.

51:03  
Because they play small. If you're going in half assed, like, what do you expect? If you're doing like, one hour of therapy a week? What do you expect? Like do you expect to fully heal on one hour a week when you're not even really committed? And the therapist, the

51:17  
therapist is just having a basic conversation with you like what do you expect to happen, you need to play big if you want big results. So that's it, I'll go through all 10 again, so you get a recap of everything I went through, I hope this is a valuable video for you. So the first one is going from dependence to independence. So going from that state where you're dependent on other people, you want other people to save you from taking full control, owning everything, owning your life, owning it, your emotions, your thoughts, everything 100% The second thing was going from a victim mentality of blaming and making excuses to taking full responsibility and owning everything. The third thing was going from a place of no control. To control where you can control your thoughts, you can control your own emotions. And you accept that you do have control you accept that you do, you can make choices over your life and you can influence your life in a positive way. And the fourth thing was going from a place where you feel like you're stuck, and nothing will ever change to knowing that you must change and things need to change. If you want to see change, right? choosing that new path. If you you know where this path is going to go. You can keep going down that path if you want. But if you want something different, you need to go down a new path. And the fifth one I love this one is from avoiding pain to befriending pain. So instead of avoiding pain running away from it, like the plague, running towards it, friending it being like, how can I solve this? How can I use this, what is this pain trying to tell me, because the pain is telling you to try to fix something, you have to figure out what that thing is, and then fix it. And the sixth thing is going from lying, deceiving, in denial to yourself, lying to yourself, and deceiving yourself to going to pure honesty, honesty in yourself. And allowing yourself to say Express feel everything honesty, honestly.

52:59  
So you get it out of you write so it's not pent up in you, not being fully expressed. And the second thing was going from self hatred to self love, because love will open doors love will open up parts of you that previously would not be able to be accessed. And number eight was suppressing emotions. pressuring it pulling, pushing it down until it just explodes inside of you to expressing it in releasing it, letting it go allowing yourself to cry allowing yourself it another example with this. I like when I started to learn how to express my emotions, like I used to have like a like a, like a twitch from from my from the trauma and winter, I used to have like a, like a twitch and actual Twitch.

53:41  
Because I was so scared, right my body would would literally Twitch.

53:46  
So when I learned to honestly express my emotions, and I like lay down or relax myself in the way that I told you, my body would start making these weird, like movements. And sometimes like I would make these weird sounds, but I was like I'm going to allow myself to feel what I need to feel to let this go into processes. And that was a huge, huge turning point for me to go from suppressing to releasing. So the nice thing here is going from short term addicted to short term things, and only looking for that next next hit to looking for the long term things and being able to take action and see no results for long periods of time. Because that is what it takes to achieve most goals that are worthy. And number 10 is to go from playing small to playing big. So I hope you guys make the the choice the decision to play big in your life because this is 100% possible for you. You can fully recover and nothing is holding you back except for yourself.

54:40  
Maybe maybe maybe that doesn't feel good. Maybe it doesn't feel good, right? But once you once you once you acknowledge that and accept that. I'm the one that's holding me back. That's when you start to move forward. And when you want to move forward, we are here for you to support you. Cheer for you every step of the way. So subscribe to our channel. If you'd like to

55:00  
video, I will make more and more like this. We're gonna make videos like this every week. Let me know if you enjoyed this comment below if you'd like this, if you want more videos kind of like this style where I'm kind of just riffing like this, this was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it. But yeah, make sure to hit subscribe, hit that notification bell and subscribe.

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