Changing this one small habit can save your life

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Changing this one small habit can save your life

Have you ever been in so much pain that you were thinking of doing something truly horrible and irreversible?

If you have, you're not alone and I have some good news for you.

In my life, I've felt the weight of my world crashing down on me too many times to count. But each time I was in that dark place.. the place I thought I would never escape from... something saved me.

The thing that saved me is something surprisingly simple, but I have good news and bad news:

The good news - you already have this habit and you're really good at it.

The bad news - you're really good at doing it the wrong way, and if that's the case this could be the thing that costs you your life.

The best news?! - I can teach you how to make a small change to this habit so saves your life instead of take it away.

The truth is that I was terrible at this habit. But [using the exact process I teach you in the video] I was able to learn how to master it, and it's saved my life many times over.

It's not your fault if you're struggling right now.

You can change. Just like I did. And it's not as hard as you might think.

Join me here to learn this life-saving process.

You're not broken, you're not a lost cause, you're capable of more than you realize.

See you in the training,

Kayleen

Transcript

0:00  

Changing this one small habit can quite literally save your life. Do you want to know what it is? That's what I'm going to tell you about all in this video today. So what we're going to be talking about, is that one small habit. Can you guess what it is? Maybe you know what it is--maybe just from looking at this image here, you can kind of tell what it is. Now, this is something we all do. It's a habit you already have, which is the best part about kind of this video in this topic. Something we all do, kind of ready or not, right?

0:27  

So the the habit is self-talk. Now, what is self-talk, right? Self-talk is really just basically internal dialogue that spirals you up or down. Now, again, this is something we all already do. And so you can see from our image here, right? What did I choose to be kind of the front of this video? Your brain, right, that's what's going on. And then you have negative and you have positive. So this is a habit that you already have. And now for most people suffering with PTSD, what this is going to look like, is very, very much on the negative side.

1:01  

So we're going to talk about a few things in this video today, all around self-talk. So we're gonna talk about what is self-talk, wse're gonna talk about why positive self-talk is important. Five steps to become a master at self-talk, when and where to practice, self-talk. And then, as always, and most importantly, what I'm going to do at the end of this video today--if you stick around--is give you a couple of action item, so that you can truly implement the positive power of self-talk.

1:31  

Again, this is a habit that you already have, it's already something that you're implementing, but likely you're just implementing it in the negative sense. So now what is self-talk, right? We already said that self-talk is just internal dialogue that spirals you up or down. So, a really kind of simple definition there. Now, the spiral you up or down is the really interesting part about this, because like I've said a few times now, you already have this habit. So your self-talk here--I'll get a new marker--your self-talk is either taking you this way, or it's taking you this way.

2:06  

Now, the best part about this is that you have a choice in the matter, you actually have a choice in the matter. You have a choice in controlling your self-talk, which again, is one of the best parts about this topic. So it's really, really important, because of something that we call neural pathways. Now, if you don't know what neural pathways are, you know, it can look a little intimidating at first, but I'm going to kind of walk you through it. And so basically what a neural pathway is, I'll write this up here, neural pathways.

2:40  

Basically what a neural pathway is, and now you have this, you already have this going on in your brain. So this is you. And this is something that's happening in your brain. Now each time, you make an internal choice, (as well as external choices, because an external choice starts where? It starts inward, right?) So you're first making... any choice that you make, you're first making it up here, you're first making it in your brain. And so you can think of these like kind of thinking patterns, right. And so each time that you make a choice, these are basically two paths that your brain has the choice-- that you have the choice--to travel down. So you can either go down the positive path, or the negative path.

3:17  

Now, again, you have the choice. And both of these paths are here, that's really important, both of these paths are here. Now, each time you travel down one of these paths, basically, what you're going to do is you're going to strengthen that path. And if you think of the path as like a path in the woods, you know, what happens when you travel down a path in the woods? What's gonna happen is the more that you traveled down that path, right, so let's say this is negative, right? You're making some negative internal choices, or maybe even negative external choices, right? So let's say, you know, you're you're really struggling with PTSD. If you're anything like me, maybe you have one or many addictions, right. And so each time that you get triggered, right, you have some sort of negative event event, right? You get triggered. What happens is you have the option to do a few things. Now, you have the option to do a positive coping skill, right? And you have the option to do a negative running-and-numbing behavior, right?

4:07  

Maybe you don't know any positive coping skills. So we could change that in other videos, right? But you know, a lot of times what happens is this path is already grooved in, right, but we choose this because it's, it's a little bit easier typically, to go for the drink or go for the TV or go for the addictive substance, right, so you make that choice to go to the addictive substance. And as you make that choice, basically what happens is, again, you start to make this kind of path in the woods.

4:31  

And then the more that you travel down this path, the stronger that it gets. And so this is the path of least resistance. And basically, what that means is each time that you're faced with that situation, again, what's going to happen is you're going to go down the path of least resistance. So you're going to travel down this negative pathway again and again and again. And what's happening each time you travel down that negative path?

4:59  

Again, this can be internal; this can be your thoughts, right? So each time maybe you you face some feedback, somebody gives you some feedback. You know, there's kind of this initial time, and there are reasons why this happens. But there's this initial time where you kind of make the first choice. And again, this is, you know, there's trauma at the root of this, but where you make the first choice, and you know, you get feedback from someone, and maybe it's really harsh feedback, or maybe it's just average feedback, maybe it's just the truthful, honest feedback.

5:00  

And you have this negative thinking pattern of, you know, I hate myself so stupid, I'm like, I can't do anything, right. That's the path that you traveled down. So then every time you get feedback, there on after you travel down that path again. Again, same example with, with drugs, with alcohol, with addictions: you get triggered, you travel down this negative path. You have a problem in your relationship, you travel down this negative path; which is why you feel stuck in the same patterns and the same loops again, and again and again, year after year, day after day, because you are traveling basically down the same path.

5:58  

And what you've done over the years, consciously or unconsciously (typically, this happensunconsciously; you're not choosing to go down the negative path consciously, right? That's kind of what's just happening.) Now you have the choice. You have two paths. But that's what's happening. Because all of this is pain. When you have pain, you're just more likely to go down that negative path, even though there is a choice. Now, if you're not aware of the choice, you're going down that negative path, right. So this becomes the path of least resistance because you travel it again and again. And again, you go hiking on the same trail in the woods every single day, what happens? It gets worn, you can see the path really clearly, it looks almost as if it's manicured, right, you know those paths in the woods. They're so, so worn in, the path of least resistance.

6:40  

ow there are other paths in the woods. And again, the good news about this is that we can change this, there are other paths in the woods. And for our example, here, we have a positive path. So let's bring back the example. This is, we'll say, drinking. And this is let's say, let's say grounding. Okay, again, it can be anything, this happens in every single choice that you make; every single thought that you have, this is all happening inside your brain. So every moment basically, your self talk, the things that you're thinking, the actions that you're taking? They start in your mind, and every moment you're choosing to go down one of these paths.Consciously or unconsciously, you're choosing to go down one of these past.

7:24  

So let's say you get triggered, right? So here's our event. Now you have the choice, right, so let's say, you know, we set you up with some great grounding exercises, and you have that at your disposal. But also, you, you know, you like to drink, drinking takes the edge off;  it, you know, it makes you feel numb, it helps you kind of run away from that pain, because it's scary, it's tough, it's emotional, it's a lot, right? So you get triggered, you have the choice to either do a grounding exercise, or drink alcohol or do drugs, or whatever it is.

7:57  

Because the path of least resistance is negative--it has been that drinking time and time and time and time and time and time and time again--you're going to be really likely and really tempted to go down this negative path. The good news about this is if you... if you can pause yourself right here, there's a moment right here, that is the moment where you have the option to make a choice, where you can see both paths clearly. And this takes some awareness, we're going to talk about that in a second.

8:23  

So this is the moment where you become aware where you can see both paths clearly. And what you want to do here is just take a big pause, big breath. This is your moment. Now you're not going to get this right every time. But what you can do is you can choose to go down the positive path. Now in regards to self-talk, right, so you get feedback or something happens, whatever, you're always thinking, you know, I hate myself on the worst, I deserve this, things like that; that's all strengthening your negative neural pathway. Changing that, watch what it's gonna do. Not only are you going to kind of make a mark here, you're going to blaze that trail, right? So you're going to start to kind of groove that and you're choosing to go down this path. What happens when you go down a path, you know, you start to groove it in, right, you start to blaze that trail.

9:09  

So not only are you going to start to strengthen this, but you're also weakening this at the same time. And this is the really, really cool part because you've probably had negative neural pathways for years and decades; just a very, very, very long time. You have these negative patterns. We've... I was there, we all have them at some level where you have these negative patterns, no matter where they come from, again, the root being trauma most of the time, right? But the best part is, you can you can not only travel down this positive path, but each time you travel down this positive path, you not only strengthen that positive path, but you you weaken the negative path, okay?

9:48  

And so then you do this over time, so you know, you get triggered, you're like okay, I'm going to use one of my grounding skills or I'm going to use, you know, a recovery toolbox or whatever it is, you know, you're making that choice. You're having that moment of awareness. This is your moment where you can see them both clearly. You're gonna want to be drawn to this. You're drawn to the path of least resistance, right? But each time you make that choice, you strengthen this, you weaken this, you strengthen this, you weaken this, you strengthen this, you weaken this, you strengthen this, you weaken this until, look what's happened. What's happened here, this is no longer the path of least resistance. Okay? And now guess what's gonna happen? Can you guess what's gonna happen? This is now the path of least resistance.

10:30  

Okay, and so now what happens is you get triggered, that's your automatic mode of action. That's your automatic way of thinking. You have someone say something negative to you, or you have an experience. And instead of talking really negatively to yourself, you automatically are talking positively to yourself! That's what happens when you change your neural pathways. And you might be thinking, Okay, well, Kayleen, like I've had I had these negative thinking patterns, I have taken negative actions for years, for decades, there's no way I'm ever going to get to that point! The beauty of this process, right, because when you're traveling down the positive, not only are you strengthening the positive, you're weakening the negative, the beauty of this process is that you can make those changes; and also, this changes the structure of your brain. So I don't want to get even that much further into it. But it literally changes the physical structure of your brain.

11:19  

Now, again, just to kind of make this clear, here, you have millions, if not billions of these, for each thought, each action, okay, and so most of them for the most part are going to be negative right now. If you're watching this video, they're probably negative. If you're stuck in PTSD, if you're, you know, anywhere close to rock bottom, if you have challenging relationships, if you're like deep in trauma, they're going to be negative, okay, and you have to change them to positive. But the beauty is you can make these changes, physical changes to your brain in weeks. In weeks. So yes, you've had these for decades. And at the same time, when you start to apply these practices, you can change the physical structure of your brain in weeks, to be more positive, okay?

12:02  

And this is not all just about, like positive thinking, there's more that we do in this process. But making these choices is going to help you immensely because guess what, this how... you know, what happens here, when you make the choice to do some grounding. Instead of drinking? Does drinking have negative consequences? Do negative actions have negative consequences? If something happens, and you start thinking negatively about yourself, and you're reinforcing that negative and you're just laying it on, right? You're just saying thing after thing after thing to yourself that's negative. How does that affect your relationships? Right? How does that affect your relationships? How does that affect your job? How does that affect your relationship with with your dog, right, or your relationship with your kids?

12:41  

Because you're negative--because you, you know, are repeating these things, you know, I hate myself, and I deserve this and all of that, right? Because you're choosing to drink, because you're choosing your TV, or alcohol or pornography or whatever, how does that affect every other area of your life? It has this ripple effect, right? So not only is it this choice, but it's every choice thereafter. So our goal here--again, I know I go a little bit far--but our goal here is to strengthen the positive neural pathways and weaken the negative neural pathways. And we can do that. And the best way to do that, especially starting out is with self-talk. The best way to do that, because when you're in this moment here, this again, this is your moment, you're gonna hear that self-talk, okay?

13:30  

For whatever it is, you're going to hear that self-talk. And you have to pause and you have to make this choice. This is not the easy choice. Because at present for you, it's probably not the path of least resistance. So you have to make yourself make this choice to do the positive thing, to take the positive action, to say the positive things, to think the positive things, and groove this path in until this path in the woods is so well worn, it looks like it's paved, and it's manicured, and it has, you know, straight lines on it. It's a beautiful, beautiful path. And this path gets overgrown, because it truly does become automatic. Once you know, you have this moment where you kind of flip from the path of least resistance being this to the path of least resistance being this.

14:12  

Okay, now, again, both options are always there. It's about what you choose and what you strengthen and the path that you walk down again, and again and again and again. Okay, so that's the power. That's why they are important. And you... the best part, (I can't... I know everything's the best part, right? I'm always like, "the best part, the best part, the best part, this is my favorite thing about it," right? Everything is the best part!)

14:32  

But the best part is that you are the only thing in your life that you can control. Listen to that, again, you are the only thing in your life that you can control. And that all starts with what's in between your ears here; that all starts up here. And so this moment that you have, that you are choosing to go either positive or negative with your actions, with your thoughts, with your self-talk. This starts with self-talk.

14:58  

It starts and ends... really, this moment where you have that moment, that starts and ends with self-talk. Okay, that moment, right there that is so, so sacred starts and ends with self-talk.That's going to lead to your external actions. That's going to lead to the ripple effect, and all these other things that, you know, those actions could affect... whether do you did, you know, grounding exercise, you got yourself back into a better state. And you know, you, you were, you know, kinder to your spouse, maybe you didn't lash out, because you know, you weren't drunk or you weren't, you know, using or whatever it was, think about how that ripples out. Right? So it's simple, simple stuff again, and it starts with that moment, it starts with self-talk!

15:32  

Self talk, you can change that right now. That's why I wanted to do this, this training, because it's so powerful. And you know, it's not all like, okay, positive thinking, and like, everything's okay, everything's okay, and like just wishing things to be okay. That's not what it is at all. Excuse me. It's quite literally changing the structure of your brain.  and the way you fundamentally make choices, by changing the way you fundamentally speak to yourself, that internal dialogue that you have, changing the way that that dictates where your life goes. Super, super powerful. So, we covered that there.

16:11  

So we talked about what self-talk is, right? internal dialogue. It's gonna spiral you up, or it's gonna spiral you down, right, you're gonna go down that negative path, or you're gonna go down that positive path, and you have the choice. And that's so so important, right. And that's why it's important, because starting with that self-talk, that's going to lead to every other action in your life. It starts with that internal dialogue, and you are the one in control of that internal dialogue.

16:34  

So now let's talk about five steps to become a master at self-talk. So let me clear the board here. Again, this stuff is so, so powerful. I know I can go kind of fast, I get kind of intense sometimes. So I appreciate you hanging in there with me. If you ever have any questions on videos, if you're like, "Kay, you're just not making sense," leave a comment, send me an email, let me know if you know you need to know more. Or if you need more background information, or if I'm going too fast, or you know, if I miss something, let me know if you don't understand this, because it is so crucial for you to understand this so, that you can take action on it, right?

17:07  

So you'll notice that, you know, most--if not all--of my videos, have actions, action items at the bottom of them. Because healing and recovery is action based, the only way that you're going to get from point A to point B is to take action. And I want to give you those actions. But first, I want to make sure that you kind of understand why we're taking those actions. And you don't have to understand it at a scientific level, right? Me explaining neural pathways, there's a lot more to that, right, we're literally talking about changing the structure of your brain. So there's a lot more to that. But if you can just understand it at a fundamental level, that's kind of my goal for you. And I know, again, I kind of go a little bit too far, sometimes I'm aware of that. But you just let me know.

17:46  

So five steps, five steps. Number one, and you're going to love these steps. I love these steps, because well, you're gonna see. Right. Number one is become aware. So I talked about that moment, right? Where you have that moment, you have that split, right, so this, this is you. And this is what's going on, you know, internally, right, and you have that that split moment where you're choosing either positive, or you're choosing negative. Again, now for most people, for most your life, this is happening unconsciously. This is not an active choice that you're making. But now that you know that it's there, you know that you have that moment, you know that you have that choice, okay, so become aware of that moment.

18:30  

Like I said, this isn't going to be perfect every time, it's not going to be like you flip a switch, and you know, tomorrow you wake up or tonight you're like always, always making the positive choice. And you're always aware of that moment. Sometimes what's gonna happen is, you're going to go through this unconsciously, and then you're going to get into the negative action and you're gonna be like, shoot, I missed that moment. I missed that moment. So you want to look out for that moment. So become aware of that moment, just by noticing, you know, what's going on in your mind. What's going on in your mind, and what's going on in your environment. Okay, are the actions that you're taking negative? Are the things that you're saying to yourself negative?

19:04  

Really, really, really good way to figure that out? Would you say the things that you're saying to yourself, if you were gonna say them out loud? Would you say them to your kids, your partner, a random stranger on the street (love that one)? A dog, your best friend, the absolute love of your life? Would you say those things to them? I know I used to have the absolute worst self-talk, the worst self-talk. I used to say awful things to myself that I'd never... I wouldn't even say to a stranger on the street. I wouldn't say that, like, to someone I hated most in the world. I wouldn't say those things. But I used to say them to myself. We are much harder on ourselves, first of all, than we need to be; and also than we would be to anyone else on this planet.

19:43  

Okay, so start there. Would you say those things out loud? Would you say them to your kids, to your spouse, to a stranger on the street, your dog...is it seems like a silly example. It's a really good example. If you're treating yourself worse than you treat your dog you need to listen up. You really need to become aware, you really need to focus. Okay? And there's two kind of points under here that I want to talk about.

20:08  

So I want to ask you a question. You know, are you? Are you your emotions? Are you your emotions? Are you the emotion "sad"? Is that you? Are you the emotion "sad"? Right? The answer is no, you're not the emotion "sad", right? If you're going to be something, might as well be something unique. Right? You're not the emotion "sad". There's however many billion people on the planet, and they all experience that emotion, but you are not that emotion. Are you, you know, are you the actions that you take? Right? Are you like a like a kick? Like a karate move? Karate? Are you the actions that you take? Are you a punch? Are you a kick? Are you a jumping Jack? No, that's not you either. Right? Okay, are you the thoughts that you have? Are you the thought, "I really want pizza"? Are you the thoughts that you have? Are you that thought? Are you that thought, "I really want pizza"? No, you're not. Right.

21:17  

So the big kind of question is, what are you? What are you? That's the big question, right? You're not your thoughts. You're not your actions, you're not your emotions. What the heck are you? Right? And so I've already written it here on the board, you're the observer, you are the observer of those things. Okay, so you are kind of like--now bear with me here, because this can get a little bit weird for people at first. Oops. So that's you. Okay, excuse me, that's that's your, your physical body. Right? So if you're not your physical body, right, so if you didn't have your left hand, would you still be you? The answer is yes. If you know, you were missing all sorts of puzzle pieces, would you still be you? The answer is yes. Right. So you're not your physical body. So that's kind of a depiction of your physical body. Now you, we kind of do it like this, you--we'll make it happy up here--you are actually the observer. Now bear with me, it's gonna be a little weird in regards to our, our drawing there. But you are the observer of all of those things: your thoughts, your physical actions, your emotions, your physical body; you are the observer.

22:29  

So you're kind of like a consciousness behind all of those things, you're not those things, you're behind all of those things. And the best part about being the observer is, you know, we can also think of it (my partner, Brad loves to think of it like this right? big video game guy, right?) So this is actual you, right? Observer you. We'll do observer you with like, a red hat on, right? That's, that's observer you.That's true you. Now you actually, being the observer, you know, you can think of yourself like, you know, you've got like a video game console. And that's attached to, you know, your physical body, which is attached to your emotions and your actions and your thoughts, okay?

23:10  

And so you are actually the thing behind it, the consciousness behind it, you're the one saying like, "Hey, do a karate kick," right? You're the one saying, like, "Hey, think about pizza." You're the consciousness behind that, you're the one that can make this character feel sad, you're the one that can make them do karate, you are the one behind that. So you are actually the observer. And so another thing that we like to kind of put under here is, you know, the third person.

23:41  

So if you think yourself kind of in the third person, these are just two kind of helpful ways to think about how to actually become aware, you know, you're behind this body, you're behind this, these thoughts and these emotions, you're outside of that your external from them. And you can think of yourself like in third person. And again, that can help people kind of make take that step back to see all of the things that they're doing, and also to see that they're at the wheel here that you have those controls. Okay, so that's step number one is to become aware by see like being the observer, and seeing yourself from the third person perspective, right?

24:20  

And so what happens when you see yourself from the third person, you see yourself as if you're someone else? So that can be a really powerful exercise? When you're asking yourself when you're digging into these negative thoughts when you're becoming aware of these negative thoughts. When I say that to someone, I love what I say that to my dog. You know, if I heard someone else say that to themselves, you know, a lot of us if we heard the things that we said to ourselves, and we saw someone and we saw them just saying those things to themselves, we'd be like, please don't do that. You don't deserve that. That's like that's so so so wrong and so negative and so me and you do not deserve that. We try to stop them from doing that. Okay.

25:00  

And that's what I want you to do by being that third party, by taking that third person view. So number two, number two is to swap negative to positive. So we'll get a ittle color on the board here: negative to positive. Now we're talking about self-talk. Now neural pathways, they apply to everything in your life. But it starts right here at your moment, your special moment where you make that choice. And again, that starts and ends with that self-talk. This moment it starts and ends with your self-talk, that's what's going to lead you down either of these paths.

25:38  

So, swap negative to positive. So the second that you catch yourself saying, you know, like I hate myself, I'm the worst, you want to just pause; big pause, big breath. And you want to say hold on, hold on. That is not true. Hold on. I love myself, I am good at x y&z. And start saying positive things to yourself: I'm capable, I'm, you know, awesome. I'm, I'm strong, I'm fierce. I'm a fighter, I'm a survivor, whatever it is, swap that negative to positive, so that you can you can really strengthen these positive neural pathways. The more that you do that, the stronger that it's going to get.

26:16  

Step three, you're going to love this. Here we go. This is the best part: continue to swap. Okay, so every time you catch yourself either about to do something negative in this moment, or about to think or thinking something negative, do that swap. Swap from negative to positive. And now if, you know, if--excuse me--a common objection that I kind of get here is typically like, and I'll use the self love example, right? Because that was a huge one for me, I'd always be like, I hate myself, Ihate myself. Right. And so you know, a lot of people also experience that I hate myself or I'm not good enough.

26:53  

And for some people simply doing the swap is fine. It's comfortable to say, you know, I love myself or you know, I am good enough, I am capable. And so if you're having a hard time doing that full swap from negative to positive from I hate myself to I love myself, what you can do is something we call a stepping stone exercise. So you think about like, there are a few different stepping stones from negative. So from that negative self-talk to that positive self-talk. So let's say the negative is I hate myself. And the positive is I love myself. If you're having a hard time making that full leap, it's okay. It's okay. And you can still get benefit. And I still want you to do this exercise. What I want you to do is try to take some stepping stones: take step one. Okay, so I hate myself to I love myself, that's a little bit too much for me. Let's see if we can bridge that gap with something else. Okay.

27:49  

So I love the way that I communicate with people. Okay, so pick out one thing...you know, I like my eyes. It doesn't matter what it is. I like the way that I talk to animals. I love the way that I treat random dogs that I see on the street. You know, I wish I treated everyone like that; I love the way that I do that. I love the way that I speak. I love the way that you know, I love to sing in the shower. Okay, so all of those things could be step-step-step-step, then, you know, if you can't make that full, full leap. Now, also, if you can't make that leap, there's something deeper going on. Right?

28:19  

And typically, there is something deeper going on. Right? So everything that we're talking about in this video, yes, it's requiring effort. And it's going to require significant effort at some points; but it's worth the effort, because eventually it will become automatic. And you can kind of think of this process, like pushing a boulder, right? So you have this big boulder in front of you, and you have to push it. To get it going, what's it going to take, it's gonna take a tremendous amount of force, right? So you're gonna have to really work hard to push that boulder. Once you get that boulder rolling, what's gonna happen? It's gonna get a lot easier, a lot easier, a lot easier until it becomes basically no effort at all.

28:52  

And that's when you kind of reach the Holy Land, so to speak in regards to this positivity, and you can get there and it does work! I remember the first time that I automatically had a positive thought and I share this sometimes on videos, I was away. My partner Brad, his family had rented a cabin in New Hampshire. So we live in the United States. And in the northeast, we have some really great lakes. Some really awesome not great, not THE Great Lakes, but we have some awesome lakes, some awesome spots, a lot of like woodsy just really, really sweet spots.

29:25  

And they rented this cabin, and it was like late summer so we were like swimming and stuff and I was in my bathing suit. And I went into the bathroom to either change or whatever it was that I went in there to do. And I you know, there's a mirror in there. It wasn't like a full length mirror. But there was a mirror like Venus I could see myself and I remember like, looking at myself, and the thought in my head popped up and it was so strange; and it said Kay, like you look awesome. And I remember just kind of like it feeling so weird and kind of looking around and being like who said that? That... was that me that said that? And it was this really strange moment because that was the moment where the positive became automatic.

30:07  

Okay, now up to that point, I was doing all of this that I'm teaching you today. So I went from someone.. like the way that I treated myself physically and mentally was just unbelievable. Someone at like rock bottom, who's like, physically beat themselves up, mentally beat themselves up, truly, truly hate themselves, and I was able to have that moment all by doing what I'm teaching you here today in this video. So you can get to that point, and it takes effort. And it's so, so worth it, I cannot even tell you, and then you reach that point, and it becomes automatic.

30:38  

And this is a habit that I still have, it's something that, you know... because we all have this habit of self-talk. It's not something that you can stop. It's not something you can stop. So like, still, when I get in the shower, you know, and that...because um, we'll talk about that in a minute. But I'm like, Kay, like, today's gonna be a great day. And you're so capable, and you're smart, and you're awesome. And you know, for people who don't know my journey and don't know the things that I've been through, and how hard I had to work to get to that point they're like, wow, like, your ego is enormous.

31:06  

And it's like, no, I love myself. And that's become automatic. And I support myself. And I'm like, my own best friend, right, I also have friends. But I'm my own best friend. And that's like, what can happen when you do this work. So doing the stepping stone exercise will kind of get you to that point. Again, a lot of times, there's something deeper going on. So we want to do the deep work as well.

31:25  

This isn't going to heal you. And I want to kind of point that out, this is not going to heal you of everything that you're going through;, you need to do the deep core healing first, excuse me, you also need to do the deep core healing. However, doing this first is going to give you an amazing foundation. And these are the things that I talk about in my PTSD recovery program. This is some of the the foundational work to actually healing. So, just something to keep in mind. And again, keep taking those stepping stones, knowing that there are stepping stones in between this and where you want to go.

31:58  

So I don't want you to necessarily lie to yourself, right? I want it to still feel coherent. Now it might be uncomfortable to say like, you know what I'm capable, and I'm strong and to point out the good things. Because guess what, it's it's not the path of least resistance. It's a path that you've never traveled before, or you've traveled very infrequently. So it might be uncomfortable, and that's okay. But I certainly don't want you to feel like you're lying to yourself. And that stepping stone exercise can absolutely help with this.

32:23  

Now, number four is one of my favorites is consciously or we'll say intentionally, we'll use the word intentionally (and spelling never counts here), so intentionally add the positive. Okay, now look at the list that we have here. Become aware, become aware of that moment that starts and ends with self-talk, so you can choose what path that you go down. Swap negative to positive: check. Awesome, continue to swap negative to positive, you can remember that! That's awesome, we're going to do the same thing, intentionally add positive, take the time to intentionally add positive things your life, positive self-talk.

33:02  

So even when you're not in this moment, you know the things that, you know, you negatively speak to yourself about. You know, the things that you negatively do. Take the time to add the positive self-talk to, you know, to be just walking around. And this is this is something again, we'll talk about this in our next point, but make a little bit of time every day to say, hey, like look yourself in the mirror, or just just can happen in your head. This is the beautiful part about it, to say like, Hey, you're capable, you're working hard, you're doing your best, and that looks different every day.

33:31  

And that's okay, and you're trying and you care. And that's what matters. See how good that feels compared to the other things? Just hearing that. And again, you don't have to make these big leaps and bounds; do these little things, these little things add up.

33:43  

Okay, and our fifth step (and you're gonna love this because these are so so easy to follow) is continue until automatic. Continue until you reach that point where things swap from negative to positive. Okay, so those are the five steps: become aware of that moment, swap the negative to the positive (we're talking about self-talk here, specifically), do that swap. If you're having a hard time with that swap, get some stepping stones, do those stepping stones, continue to do this. Every time you catch yourself, make yourself do this swap. It's not gonna be comfortable, it's not gonna be comfortable. I'm just gonna be honest with you, it's not gonna be comfortable, but it's gonna be worth it. And you're gonna start to feel more and more comfortable with it.

34:29  

Okay, intentionally add the positive, that's step four, there, make time and we're gonna talk about that in just a second. Make time each day, to give yourself that positive self-talk is so powerful, it is so important along with throughout the day as you're noticing those negative things. Or as you're going to also like be walking or going throughout your day going about your day. And notice little moments where you could add positive self- talk. Maybe you don't necessarily have negative self talk, but you could add positive self-talk. There's so many opportunities to do that. And at first, they might seem trivial.

35:02  

But the more you understand the power of this, and how those little moments add up... you don't have to do them forever. But do things like you know, celebrate yourself for washing the dishes, or celebrate yourself for getting out of bed, taking a shower, brushing your teeth to say, hey, great job you did that you took care of yourself, pat yourself on the back for that! Those little moments, they all count and they all add up. And that's what we need to do is we need to add them up so that we can make that change as quickly as possible. Okay, and then continue until it is truly automatic.

35:30  

So that's what we have for our point here. Now, our last or final point, right, so we talked about what self-talk is why positive self-talk is important. Five steps to become a master of self-talk. And that is the exact process that I follow that got me from, you know, rock bottom, beating myself up mentally and physically, to that moment where I looked myself in the mirror, and I was... for the first time in my life I said Kay, like, you look great, you look great. Like you should be happy with the way that you look. And you should, you should, you should feel good about yourself. Really, really powerful stuff, really, really powerful stuff.

36:02  

And then when and where to practice, self talk. Now this is... you're gonna hear it again, here comes again, my favorite part about this is that you can practice the positive self-talk, literally 24/7. Okay, again, now you're already doing self-talk, the likelihood that you're doing positive-self talk is very slim, if you're really struggling with PTSD; if...you know, if you've been through trauma, if you've been through pain, and that's not your fault, it is not your fault that you have this negative self-talk, and I probably should have started with that. It is by no means your fault. While you do have the choice, it's by no means your fault. If you have negative self-talk, if you default to negative; if even you know after you watch this, and you're starting to implement the positive, you make mistakes and you go to the negative, it's certainly not your fault. All that we're doing is putting you kind of behind the wheel again, so you can get in control. And so you can start to make positive changes in your life.

36:58  

Okay, so it's not your fault, because especially if there's pain and trauma, you have every single reason in the world to talk negatively, every single reason all of that pain that adds up that builds up, that's why you do it. That's not your fault, it's not you. Okay, and so all that we're doing is we're working to change that. And we're working to lay the foundations. For those of you who don't know, right, the pillars to PTSD recovery are mindset, routines and processing. Mindset, this is this all goes underneath mindset. We're laying the foundations of awareness here, we're laying the foundations of positivity here. These are two very, very big points under mindset.

37:33  

Now, there's a lot that goes into mindset, and routines and processing. We're not even going to cover that, of course in this video, but we are laying the foundations for your recovery. So this is your road to recovery. So if this is rock bottom, and you might not be at rock bottom. And if you're not, that's awesome. And this is full recovery, fully healed. Fully healed. That means no symptoms, no flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, you are fully healed, you don't have symptoms of trauma, you don't you don't get triggered, because you fully truly healed and that's, that's a topic for another day.

38:06  

But what we're doing is we're laying the foundation. So it's really, really important, the work that we're doing. And again, it's not your fault. Okay, but we want to work to make those changes. So what we're talking about here, when and where to do self talk, right? 24/7 everywhere. Easy enough to remember, right? 24/7 everywhere, all day, every day. Okay, so you don't really have to do it all day, but you have the opportunity to do it all day, if you so choose, what I want you to do is I want you to pick out a moment where you can what I call lay it on thick.

38:44  

So I briefly kind of talked about earlier, you know, I used to do this in the shower, right? And so shower is something I do every day, it's really important to me. And so it was an easy way to kind of fit this into a routine that already existed. Now maybe the time of day that I showered, varied, but still I would get in the shower and I love taking long showers. I'm very, very wasteful that way. Okay, but I love taking long hot showers just staying as long as I possibly can.

39:09  

And so I made it part of my routine to like when I was in the shower, that'd be just a cue a reminder to say, Okay, let's do some positive self-talk. And just kind of run through a list of you know, basically affirmations of things that I knew I kind of needed to work on things that I knew I needed to hear things that I was especially hard on myself for. So like, hey, you know, I love myself. I'm capable. I'm strong. I'm independent. I'm fierce. I'm a fighter. Yeah, djust pumping yourself up. It just feels good to say it to you. Okay, so pick a moment where you can lay it on thick. I definitely recommend doing it in the shower because you know, it's it's a pretty easy cue to remember you have that time amd you're just in there kind of thinking anyway. So that's a powerful time to do it.

39:48  

Now, I also want you to look to do it for when you face challenges. So I actually I want you to lay it on thick, especially when you face challenges. I want you to pick a time each day where you can lay it on thick, and take the time to start to implement this so you can really add the positive, much, much quicker. And then I also want you to lay it on thick when you face challenges. Now what do I mean by a challenge?

40:13  

So challenge could be a loss, right? Like, that's a true challenge, that could be something traumatic, right? A true challenge, a loss: it could be a loss of a job loss of a friend or, or whatever a loss a loss of someone that you love, okay? Now, in those moments, that's where you're going to need to lay it on thick, okay. And that's where it's really special, really powerful, really important to lay it on thick, among other things that we that we also lay on thick in these moments, one of which being gratitude, right, but lay it on thick, when you face that challenge, to really give yourself the support, basically the cushion, and the guidance to get through that as safely, we'll say, as possible and in the best kind of state as possible.

40:54  

Now, that certainly does not mean you are positive talking yourself out of this, you're not saying Oh, everything's fine, and it's good, and I'm not sad and stuff like that, by no means is it that, you know, by you know, lay it on thick, what I mean is like I'm capable, I can handle this, this is hard, and I can handle it. I have tools, I have skills, I have resources, you know, if I don't, I'm going to learn tools, I'm going to learn how to get through this. Okay, a little bit of a difference there. Or can also be, you know, when you face a challenge...this is something I still do. These are just examples. These are not the only categories.

41:28  

When you're maybe doing a workout, right, you're in a challenging workout. For example, I was in a challenging workout this morning, I work out this amazing group of women locally, and we work out in person together again, which is awesome. And the trainer basically assigns exercises, so we never know what we're going to do. Sometimes it's based on luck. Sometimes it's based on chance. And today, it's around Halloween time when I'm recording this. And so we did this, this exercise, or this, this workout is called Trick or treat, right. And so we would do an exercise and we go back to the trainer and we say trick or treat. And he'd either give us something kind and easy or give you something extremely challenging. And I got two extremely challenging things in a row. And as and they took a long time, too, which is like all all the all the more right?

42:06  

So as I'm doing this, and I had to do 1000 steps, running and then 2000 Steps running. So 3000 Steps total, I got finished with 1000 steps, I went over to him I was like trick or tree and he's like 2000 steps, right? Like, oh, man. And so when I was doing, you know, I was like almost halfway through with the 2000 steps after just doing 1000 steps, you know, running I'm just like, basically running in circles and circles and circles. You know, that is the moment where you know, I start to get fatigued I start to get tired and and I start to automatically--automatically because I spent all that time years ago working on these neural pathways--automatically saying, hey Kay, you've got this, you've got this, you're strong, you're capable, you're almost halfway, you know, you've done harder things before. Anything's possible you can accomplish this. That's the moment when I start laying it on thick. And I'm when I'm when I'm in the thick of it when I'm in an extreme challenge for whatever reason. So that's again, just an example. Another example. Here's another example.

43:07  

Sticking to a diet, I love this example, I love love, love this example. I'm actually personally a vegan, right and so I choose to eat healthy I choose eat, like mainly plants, and I choose to not eat animal products, right. And, you know, whatever is your thing. That's okay, there's no judgement. But you know, when I was first kind of when I first kind of doing this, I was doing it for health reasons. You know, I read some awesome, awesome studies on it. You know, it's not that I don't like meatballs, I love meatballs, and I love a good hamburger and a good hotdog. Right? I grew up in New York, I love a good hotdog.

43:36  

And so, you know, when I was first kind of making this transition to the lifestyle I have now it was extremely challenging, right, especially when I would go to a party and there'd be Reese's Halloween candy is my favorite candy, right. And there'd be all these kind of temptations, what I would do is remind myself and say, hey, you know, that's a choice that you can make. But also understand, you know, you you deserve to feel healthy, you deserve the benefits of the thing that you're doing, you know, you deserve to feel good from the food that you eat. Right, I noticed that when I had a handful of candy versus, you know, maybe just an apple and peanut butter, my energy levels were different, right. And so you know, in those moments, you lay on that positive self-talk.

44:16  

Again, it looks different across these categories, doesn't it, and it looks different day to day, but just hey, you deserve to feel healthy. You deserve to, you know, accomplish what it is that you want to accomplish with, with your your fitness level or with your focus, you deserve that extra focus that you get from not choosing to eat that candy, you are strong enough, you are powerful enough to make good choices, just different things like that. Again, there's just there's so many categories that this this applies to because it truly is a 24/7 everywhere thing.

44:42  

So that leads us to our action items for the day. So let's do a quick recap, right? What is self-talk? Self-talk is internal dialogue, negative or positive, that spirals you up or down. Positive self-talk is important because of those neural pathways. Right? And because those neural pathways are really going to dictate the outcome of your life. If you're always going down those negative neural pathways, guess what the outcome is going to look like, it's going to look like a rock bottom outcome. It's going to look like--and remember the ripple effect here--it's going to it's going to look like a lot of hurt relationships, broken relationships, those loops, those spirals, that's because it's all on the negative pathways, we've got to get them to the positive pathways.

45:17  

Okay, the five steps to become a master at self-talk, become aware. That was step one, swap negative to positive, continue to swap negative to positive, there we are in step three, already, intentionally add the positive, and then continue until it's automatic. Okay, and you can do this anytime, anywhere.

45:38  

So, my action items for you today. Now remember, recovery is action based, you want to get the results you want to feel better, you want to lay the foundation for your recovery, take action on the things that you know that we're guiding you to take action on. I'm not just giving you action items as busy work. There's literally no point for me to do that. I want to change your life, I want to help you, I want you to get the results. And and feel the way that I feel now is I can't even describe it.

46:05  

And honestly, sometimes it's even a little uncomfortable to describe it. Because it just sounds like I'm bragging about like how great my life is. But you know, knowing what it's like to be at rock bottom. And then knowing that there's another side now and like there's this all of this after stuff that I have now, I never thought I could be as happy as I could. I never thought I could save my relationship. I never thought I could focus. I never thought I could do all of the things that I do.

46:28  

I never thought I could feel the peace and the calm and the just like love and the passion and the energy and the excitement that I feel each and every day when I wake up, I used to wake up with a pit in my chest and just like anxiety, and I used to not sleep, and I'd have nightmares. And so I'm just telling you all this just, there's so much out there for you. Even if you're at rock bottom, and you're like, Kay, there's no way that's out there for me, I promise it's out there for you. And just don't worry, because when I was at rock bottom, I didn't believe it was out there for me either. Right? I almost made the choice to not be here at all, to end my life. Because of all that pain.

47:02  

I didn't know that this was out there. And I just want to show you it is out there. So take actions and you can you can take those steps! Right now wer'e just laying the foundation. But you can take those steps to get the full recovery that you deserve.

47:13  

So actions: two actions for you today. Make time. Once per day, to lay it on thick, lay it on thick, lay it on thick. That's action number one make time once a day, maybe it's in the shower, maybe it's as you're having your morning coffee, big coffee drinker, a huge fan of that. Or maybe it's when you're driving to your workout. Or maybe when you it's like you take your dog out for a W-A-L-K or whatever it is, okay, make time once a day, just at least once a day to lay it on thick at least.

47:44  

And then do the thought swap exercise. Okay, that thought swap exercise, just changing that negative to positive any and every time you catch it. Every time that you're aware of that moment. Remember, there is that moment and that is your moment to do the exercise every time you catch yourself there. That's your moment to make the change. So do that thought swap eps... exercise, excuse me. And remember also that you have the option to do the stepping stone exercise as well. So that you're not lying to yourself, you know this for a lot of you is going to feel uncomfortable, and that's normal. But you know, you don't want it to feel like you're lying. You don't want it to feel untruthful, okay, so that that stepping stone exercise can help you tremendously there.

48:33  

So that's what I have for you all today. Take those actions. If you liked this video, please subscribe, please like, please share to anyone and everyone that you think would benefit from this. Remember, we all have this habit. And this one habit, I'm not gonna lie to you because it is truly the foundation. This was the life-saving habit. Because it started there. It starts and ends with self-talk, okay, really powerful, really important. And it can save your life, so it can save someone else's life too. So if you know someone that would benefit, whether they have PTSD or not, send them this video, share this gift with them.

49:05  

And that by no means is an ego thing, share this gift of knowing that they can change their self-talk that they can change their life that they can have a different outcome for themselves. Because they deserve it. You deserve it. Everyone deserves it. And that's why I'm here doing this with you.

49:19  

So again, if you like what you hear, definitely subscribe. Like, feel free to leave a comment or send us an email, you know, if you have questions or if you want to know more about being involved in coaching with us, or whatever it is. If you you know you want specific content videos, just let us know. Get involved and stay involved, so that we can help serve you at the very highest level.

49:40  

So just know I love you. I believe in you at the very highest level. You can do this. You can do this. I know that you can make these changes. Just go step-by-step-by-step and know that it's possible for you. I promise it's possible for you. Healing, full recovery. It's out there for you. It's not gone because I have it. It's out there for you if you follow the steps if you take action.

50:00  

If anyone in your life has told you, you're broken, you're hopeless. I used to hear that from doctors, therapists every single day. people reach out to me and they say, you know, my doctors, my therapist told me that it was impossible to heal, told me I was broken. That is not the truth. Okay? And you don't have to believe that right now. All you have to believe is that you can get a little bit better.

50:20  

So start taking these actions, get a little bit better, start to feel the results for yourself ,and the rest will come in time. Just keep taking action. All right. I love you, I believe in at the highest level and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

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