The Only 3 Things That Matter: Episode 3 - How To Heal PTSD From Home

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The Only 3 Things That Matter: Episode 3 - How To Heal PTSD From Home

Feeling confused about the best way to approach your healing? When it comes to PTSD recovery, people just LOVE to confuse and complicate things!

This episode is called “The Only 3 Things That Matter.”

You don’t need 1,000 types of therapy, a dozen doctor appointments, or more complexity...

There are only 3 things you need to focus on in order to fully recover - and this episode is one you definitely don’t want to miss!

In this episode, we will cover:

  • Preparing your brain to heal
  • Setting yourself up for successful healing
  • Taking ACTION on the hard and sacred work of healing yourself

Here is a link to learn even more about the pillars of recovery:

Enjoy the show!

Check it out and let me know what you think inthe comments!

To your recovery,
Kayleen & the team at

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Hey everyone, Kayleen here and welcome back to our PTSD miniseries, where we're talking all about how to heal your PTSD or C-PTSD from home. I'm coming to you from my living room throughout this series. This is the third episode in our series. And before we even jump into anything, I just want to say thank you for showing up to these! Thank you for your excitement, and your awesome positive feedback on the previous episodes, and everything that's been going on so far. I'm touched that you all have been loving the episodes, and that they've been impacting your life.

So in the last episode, we talked about the four biggest blockers to recovery. And I gave you tools to overcome each of those blockers. And if you remember, at the very end, we talked about the difference between coping and healing. And that was all about coping, so you could unblock yourself from those things and take the steps you needed to take to actually heal, and truly heal. We talked about what that meant.

And in this episode, here, we're talking about the only three things that matter. So a lot of people, you know, unblock those blockers and then they feel like they don't know where to start. And they don't think that they can heal PTSD or C-PTSD from home, because they don't know what to focus on, and they don't know where to start. Well, that's exactly what we're going to cover today; and this is something that I call the three pillars of PTSD recovery.

So this really is the blueprint to recovery. So I'm really excited to share this information with you. I've shared this training with thousands of people all around the world; and understanding these pillars and focusing on these pillars really truly mastering these pillars has taken people, like I said, all around the world from a place of you know, anxiety, unable to hold a job, broken relationships, sleeplessness, unable to trust people, unable to be intimate in their relationships - personal and romantic; to a place of you know, sleeping through the night every night, not only holding a job, but either creating a job, right, like starting a business; starting a charity; creating deep, meaningful relationships. It has taken people truly from sometimes a place of true rock bottom, but sometimes just from a plateau, but a place of true rock bottom to fully recovered and beyond that.

A lot of the tools that you'll learn on the recovery journey, will not only help you fully recover from PTSD, but take you far beyond that. So I'm really excited to share that with you. And the last thing I just want to say about that before we dive in here and I show you these three things is that people who do that--people who learn this and then apply it--they're not superhuman, remember that. They are not superhuman, I'm not superhuman, no one who achieves this is superhuman, they just really focus on these three things and they master these three things.

2:40|So let's jump right into this training here. And you'll notice I've written the numbers backwards, and that's for a very specific reason. And that's because these things build off of each other, so we're gonna start with the foundation. So the only three things that matter when it comes to healing PTSD and C-PTSD (now throughout the training I'll be using both interchangeably; but everything I say... anytime I say PTSD, it also applies to C-PTSD. So the very first thing I have here at the bottom--the foundation--is: mastering your mindset.

Now, everything starts and ends in your mind. Your mind is probably the most important thing, and that's why it's the foundation of your journey. So at the end of the day, the only thing that you're guaranteed isyour consciousness, right, is your mind, is your thoughts; and so, mastering your mindset really getting this pillar right, is the foundation because you're building a strong foundation to be able to move forward and achieve what you need to achieve.

So that's the foundation: mastering your mindset. Because everything that comes into your world and out of your world, right, everything that comes into your your brain your body goes through your mind. It gets filtered through your mind and everything that goes out does the same. So that's the foundation.

Number two is building unbreakable routines. So if you remember in the first episode, we talked about... when I did the hammer demonstration, we talked about deliberate, consistent action with the right tools. So deliberate, consistent. Building unbreakable routines is all about being consistent on your healing journey. Remember when I hit the nail, I you know, I had the right tool, right, I had the hammer, and I hit the nail right on the head, but if you only hit it once, it's like you're taking a step forward, right? But then you're waiting, and you'll either end up taking a step backwards or maybe taking the wrong step next time so you really need that consistency.

And then the third one here is processing your past. So these build on each other for a reason. So right like I said, deliberate, consistent action with the right tools. And that was what that first episode--that hammer demonstration--was all about. So these are the pillars of recovery, we're going to be diving into each one of these in detail. So you know exactly what goes underneath these. And exactly what it means to master your mindset and the things that you need. Exactly what it means to build unbreakable routines, and the things that you need to master in order to do that, and exactly what processing your past means.

And this is all about getting to the root, the core, of the issue. And remember, the people who heal focus on these pillars and master these pillars; they focus on only these three things. These are the only things you should be focusing on throughout your entire journey until you get to fully healed, fully recovered. These are the only things that you need to focus on. So I'm going to reset the board here, and we'll put up a nice diagram and we'll go through each of these in detail.

Here they are again, the three pillars to recovery number one:mastering your mindset;. number two: building unbreakable routines; and number three: processing your past.  Now I'm going to go in depth in each of these to show you exactly what you need to do to achieve that pillar. So there's a little bit that goes on here. And we're just going to go one by one so I can you explain why it's important and why it's a must in order to do that thing.

So number one, mastering your mindset. The first thing you need to do to master your mindset is you need independence, control and commitment. So you need independence and control over your healing journey. You need to decide when you heal, how you heal, how often you heal. This is your life, and you should be the only one steering the ship. You should be the only one in the driver's seat of your life. You don't want to rely on anyone else, or rely on anyone else's schedule; because you'll end up stuck, or you'll end up maybe taking a step forward and then waiting and being delayed because someone else is not making your healing a priority in their life.

So you need to make healing a priority in your life. And you need to be the one in control. And the one steering the ship, so to speak the one that's you know, the captain of the boat. Your life is so important. So you need that independence to say, this is how often I'm healing, this is what I'm doing. And you need that control. And like I said, if you don't have that, you're going to end up stuck or you're going to end up taking a step forward, and then waiting a few weeks and taking a step forward. And it's going to be so long, you can get stuck in that cycle for sometimes decades, okay.

And I see this happen with a lot of people, they rely on a specific person or a specific thing or specific insurance; and they end up getting stuck in waiting. And they wait and they wait and they wait and they wait to heal their PTSD. And they end up just kind of sitting in the broken relationships, and in the anxiety, and the depression, and the nightmares, and the flashbacks that go along with PTSD. And you don't want to have to wait for someone. You don't want to have to wait to say okay, yes, now we're ready to help you heal your PTSD. You should be the one in control of that. And that should be the priority in your life. So that's really important.

And then commitment to the healing journey. So, commitment is really important because this is a challenging journey. And if you don't have the right commitment, sometimes what I see happens is you'll get a burst of energy. And you'll say, okay, yes, like, I can do that, I'm going to start to take action, and I'm going to do that. But if you don't have the right commitment, you don't have some of the right foundation. And when you hit a roadblock--and inevitably, you will; is a challenging journey--when you hit a roadblock, it's like you can just kind of put your hands up and take a step back.

And that's, that's really not what you want to do on the healing journey. Because there's going to be roadblocks, there's going to be times you fall down, you move sideways, you take a step back. And that commitment is really what drives you through those roadblocks. So on the healing journey, I always describe it as there's a finite number of roadblocks that you hit. And now I don't know the number. You don't know the number. I can tell you that there's a finite amount, that might be 10. That might be 100, whatever it is, but each time you hit a roadblock, you want to check your commitment, so you can make it through that roadblock. And if you hit a roadblock, it might be maybe your last roadblock, and your commitment is not strong enough to get through that roadblock, you're not going to be able to get to the other side.

So if you don't have a strong enough commitment, you're going to end up you know, having a little burst of energy and doing what you need to do and maybe feeling good for a little while, but then hitting a roadblock and getting stuck at that place; and maybe feeling like you've plateaued on your journey. So super, super important. And you're going to hear me say super, super important because these are all super, super important. And this is the distillation of everything on the healing journey.

The next thing you need to master your mindset is relief on demand. There's a lot that goes into the healing journey. And in the last episode, we talked about coping versus healing. And there's a very distinct difference between them right? But there is a place for coping on the healing journey. So coping is not healing. But there is a place for it on the healing journey because what you're doing here is you're trying to juggle, you know, your life and your job, and maybe your kids and your spouse, and everything that goes with life; you're trying to juggle that, as well as your healing journey.

And so you need to get relief from your symptoms on demand. And sometimes that means immediately and we have tools to do that. But sometimes it means just not allowing yourself and having the tools to not be kind of sucked into a symptom or a trigger ruining more than a couple hours. Or sometimes those triggers can turn into days or weeks or sometimes months. And so you really want to shorten that as much as possible. So you really want to get relief on demand for any and all of your symptoms.

So you want to have what we call a toolbox, and you need a toolbox of tools to say, "Oh my gosh, you know, this trigger came up, and I feel like this and you know, I feel depressed, or I feel, you know, I'm noticing that I'm just disassociated, or I'm anxious or I'm feeling angry." You need to be able to immediately go into your toolbox and say, "Okay, this is what I do," and shorten that. Bring that down from, you know, I know sometimes for me, like when I used to have a nightmare, it used to kind of ruin my whole next day, or sometimes a few days after that. So used to be like, really, really bad. And then but once I learned tools, it was like, "Okay, I used to have a nightmare," I use the right tools, and then the next day would be fine. So you really want to shorten that.

So you can continue to do what you need to do in your life, right, you need to juggle that as well as what you need to do on the healing journey. So that's really important. And if you don't have that you're going to like delay things. And sometimes it can delay things so much, you just end up being like kind of trigger after trigger after trigger and one kind of pours into the other. And all of a sudden, you're like trying to juggle life, and you're just getting triggered instead of actually moving forward on your journey. So that's really important.

Then third here is to reconstruct your identity, this is one of my favorite ones. Because you know, you'll still be you, of course at the end of the day, but who you are right now is not who you will be when you fully recover from PTSD. So I want to say that again, because it's really important. Who you are right now is not who you'll be when you fully recover from PTSD. Who I was at rock bottom is not the same person that I was when I fully recovered, and is not even the same person that I am today. And so when it comes to the recovery journey, and this is just true, because if the you right now could recover from PTSD, you would be recovered from PTSD.

But what you're going to need to do is reconstruct that identity. So you're going to need new thoughts, new actions, new beliefs, right. So you really have to transform yourself throughout this journey. And that is a must. You with your current thoughts, your current beliefs, your current actions, will not be the person who recovers from PTSD. And I want to share this, we shared this in the other episode the other day, it's a quote by Albert Einstein. And it says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results, right.

So if you don't reconstruct your identity, your thoughts, your beliefs, your emotions, your reactions, everything that goes along with that, you're going to be exactly where you are, and you're going to kind of stay stuck in that place. And like I said, this is true for everyone. And of course, you're still you at the end of the day. But you have to reconstruct your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions, everything that goes along with that, to transform into the person that fully recovers, it's an amazing journey. But if you don't reconstruct your identity, you will not recover. Because you have to become that person as the journey goes on. So that's a really important one.

And then cultivate self-love and compassion. So again, these are all things you need to master to master your mindset. So cultivating self love and compassion is really important, because this is a challenging journey. Right? And I keep saying that, and it is right, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it's a challenging journey, it takes a lot of work, takes that commitment. And there are going to be moments on the journey where you fall down, where you take a step backwards, where you stop doing the things that you know you should be doing or you're supposed to be doing, or life gets in the way, or you have a bad day, right.

And if you don't have the self-love and compassion, what's going to happen is it's going to pull you back down. It'll act as an anchor, and pull you back and you'll be stuck in the negative self talk. Or if you're someone who harms themselves, or just kind of spirals--I know for me personally, when I would make a mistake, and this goes along with beliefs as well, but when I would make a mistake, I would beat myself up right, both mentally and physically. So you'll be stuck in those negative spirals of negative self talk, as well as negative and destructive behavior.

So that's super, super important because like I said, it's a challenging journey. And so the better you get at cultivating that self-love and compassion, the quicker you can kind of pick yourself back up and say, "Okay, what was the lesson? How can we move forward?" But without that, it's extremely challenging to take that next step.

And then number five, here we have master self-awareness. So this is awareness in all areas. When it comes awareness, my favorite kind of line about awareness is, you can't solve a problem that you don't know exists. So you have to master awareness of your mind, of your body, of your actions, of your triggers to even know what the issue is. So if you're not aware of an issue, if you're kind of sleepwalking, if you don't understand your thought patterns, if you don't understand your actions, then you're not going to be able to fix them, because you don't even know that they're happening.

So mastering self awareness is really important. So you can say, "Okay, this is what needs to be fixed." So without that awareness, you'll just end up kind of like a zombie and again, unable to move forward. You'll end up in the same cycles and the same patterns, you'll have the same fights, you'll have the same things that cause you anxiety, and trigger you; and you won't know what you need to do. Even if you have the right tools, you won't know what you need to do to actually overcome that and actually heal that, because you won't be aware that that's happening. So that one's really important.

And then controlling thinking and inputs. So again, at the end of the day, the only thing that you're guaranteed is you and your consciousness and your mind. So at the end of the night, every night, that's the thing that you're guaranteed. And if you don't have control over your thinking and inputs (the things that come into your mind and into your body), you don't have control over anything, and you need control. And you need to learn how to gain control over your thinking and over your inputs, in order to truly master your mindset.

So when I was at rock bottom, I had no control over my thoughts, they were super negative, there was a lot of negative self talk.I wasn't aware of them, I wasn't controlling my inputs. And if you don't control these things, you won't be able to move forward. Again, you'll be stuck in the same patterns, you'll be stuck, just kind of like see, you can almost like see the promised land, it's like there's a piece of glass in front of you. And you can see it but you can't quite get there.

And then the next one here, we have redesign your belief system. This is really, really important because a lot of people have harmful beliefs, they have limiting beliefs. So you have to break those harmful beliefs, you have to deconstruct those limiting beliefs. And you have to create powerful beliefs that serve you. Because beliefs are really interesting. And this is probably where I see people make the biggest change in this pillar is changing their beliefs; and beliefs, again, it's like that glass door... is like if you've ever, like you know you're supposed to do, but for some reason, you can't get yourself to do it. That's because you have the knowledge, you have the awareness, you understand what you're supposed to do. But again, it's like the promised land; and like there's this blocker, there's this invisible blocker in front of you, when you can't get yourself to take action. That's because you have limiting or harmful beliefs. So your beliefs actually dictate your actions. And if you don't have beliefs that serve you, they will again act as an anchor. And this is probably one of the most frustrating things for people; because they see people getting results, they see people healing, they know what they're supposed to do. And they're just like right up on that on that glass wall. And they're like, "I know what I'm supposed to do. But I can't get myself to take action. And I don't understand why." So this is an absolute must, you have to, have to, have to, have that.

And then the last one we have here is thinking long term. And we briefly talked about this in one of the other episodes that we did, but thinking long-term is super, super important. Because like I said, this is a challenging journey. And thinking long-term is like you know it, let's say you're going to travel across the country, and you plug it into your GPS, and so you know the destination, so you're thinking about it long-term, and the GPS gives you the route.

Thinking long term is really understanding what this journey entails, and how to get there. And so thinking long term gives you the foresight to say, okay, there's going to be a roadblock and a detour, okay, and we're gonna have to, you know, pivot and we're not quite there yet; but understanding that there will be roadblocks, there will be detours there, there will be things that get in your way.

So, thinking long-term is really important because at first, this is a real lifestyle change, right? You have to reconstruct your identity.  That's not an overnight fix, right? It's not a microwave dinner, or a six minute ABS, or a you know, a diet a fad diet program. This isn't like, drink seven green smoothies for three days and lose 100 pounds.

This is a a long term journey. This is a challenging journey. And when you think long term, you know, if you're not thinking long term, you're going to have short bursts of motivation, short bursts of energy, and you're going to take a step forward, and then you're in take a few steps back, because you're going to hit that roadblock. You're going to you're going to fall down. You're going to make a mistake, and you're not going to be able to see past tha;t so you have to see to full recovery. So that one is super, super important. So mastering your mindset is a big, big deal. It is the foundation.

Now you really do need all of these eight things here. I know there's there's quite a bit here. But if you don't have all of these, it's like you're building the foundation to your recovery on sand, right, you can use the finest materials, the best wood, the greatest windows, right, the the nicest tile floors. But if you build your foundation on sand, as you continue on your journey, it will fall down and it will crumble.

And this is why most people fail, is because they don't build a strong enough foundation. Your foundation of independence, control, commitment, reconstructing your identity, seeing the long term, having the self love, having the awareness, controlling your thoughts, redesigning your belief system, look at how much this entails here. This is a massive, massive pillar. And so, so important, because like I said, everything starts and ends in your mind.

So if you if you don't master your mindset, and if you don't make this a priority, and... if you remember, at the beginning of the episode, I wrote 1-2-3 to explain the pillars. And that's because this really is the foundation. If you don't have that foundation, you will eventually fall down. And that's why a lot of people feel like, you know, they take a step forward, and then they take two steps back or they're on this like roller coaster, or the or they backslide or they relapse or whatever it is, is because they don't have a strong enough foundation for the journey.

So this is super, super important. And this honestly one of the most important things, reconstructing that identity; understanding that everything will change, and you will develop and you will change and you will be a different person than you are right now. If you as you were right now could overcome PTSD right now you would have done that. But you really do have to transform into that new person. So that is what we have for mastering your mindset, and we'll jump into building unbreakable routines.

So building unbreakable routines is really important. A lot of people ask me, you know why the pillars are in this order. And again, it's all about the foundation. So the mastering your mindset is pouring a strong foundation, right? You're pouring the cement, you're putting in the rebar and it's on solid ground. And that is what you're doing in mastering your mindset. And building unbreakable routines is like letting that foundation set and settle and giving that time to to become firm. And it's all about consistency, right? We talked about deliberate, consistent action with the right tools.

People who recover are not superhuman. They focus on these three things and these three things only. So the first one here in building unbreakable routines is to identify and break bad habits. Bad habits and addictions act as anchors that will pull you down. So again, it's kind of like you'll hear me say very similar things again and again throughout these points, because they're all kind of intertwined. But it's like having an anchor and like you know what you're supposed to do, and you're trying to get yourself to do that. And you know, you're working really hard, but there's this thing that is just kind of tugging at you, that keeps dragging you back down. And those are the bad habits and the addictions. And in order to identify those bad habits, you need to have the awareness, right?

So this all builds on itself. Everything builds on the thing before it. This is a very, very deliberate blueprint here. So you have to identify and break the bad habits and addictions. And if you don't, like I said, you'll be like taking five steps forward, and four steps back, and five steps forward, and four steps back and three steps forward and four steps back, right. So you're gonna be in this like back and forth kind of dance.

And you know, if you've been on your recovery journey for quite a while now you might kind of recognize some of the things I'm saying where you might be feeling stuck, or you might be feeling like I take a step forward, I take a step sideways, I take a step back. Now I hit a roadblock and I kind of throw my hands up. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's that's all part of being human and being on the recovery process. And this is just so, so important to identify and break bad habits.

And then of course build unbreakable habits. So like I said, mastering your mindset is all about building that foundation. Building unbreakable routines is all about letting that foundation set. So really, when you're talking about reconstructing your identity, this is not like an overnight thing, right? It's not overnight oats, it's not it's not a microwave dinner. You're talking about consistency over time.

So if you remember my demonstration with the hammer, you have to be deliberate, you have to be hitting on the right things, you have to be consistent, and you have to have the right tool. So if you don't build those habits, you won't get where you want to go nearly as fast if at all. So it's really really important to build those habits.

The next thing is the morning routine. So you need your morning routine to to really master this pillar here. A morning routine is... then the next couple of routines we're going to talk about are some of the most underrated things. A morning routine is really, really simple. And it's just a system you have in place in the morning to ensure that you have a great day. So if you don't have a morning routine, it's like leaving your day totally up to chance. And a morning routine is really powerful, because it actually provides you with a framework to have a great day; it helps you actually regulate your brain, regulate the chemicals in your brain. And if you don't have it, it is really like a coin toss going into your day.

So it's really, really important that you have a morning routine, because without it, you're going to be kind of like sleepwalking through your day. You know, and you might do the things; you might show up to the training you, you might, you know, eat healthy; you might do the things you need to do. But you might watch Netflix, you might watch a few movies, you know, you really leave it up to chance when you don't have a morning routine. So a morning routine is really, really important to ensure that you do the things you need to do.

And then probably my favorite routine is an evening routine, an evening routine, on the healing journey is one of the most important things. And I know I'm saying that a lot because they are all the most important thing. But this this truly is one of the most important and most powerful pieces. And again, it's a very simple piece, but it's a piece a lot of people miss; and what an evening routine does, again, is it regulates the chemicals in your brain. But more importantly, probably: it sets you up for that morning routine, it sets you up for the next day as well. And it actually helps you optimize your brain for the healing journey. So it will help you optimize your brain for sleep, where that learning, that discovery is happening.

Your brain, when it's sleeping--excuse me--is actually creating new neurons. So it's doing the learning and discovery. It's healing beyond just when you're healing in your healing journey. So it's incredibly powerful to have an evening routine. And if you don't have an evening routine, it's like you're setting yourself up to fail, because you're not allowing your brain to do what it needs to do naturally, to do the healing. So you're putting in all this work.

It'd be like if you were an athlete, right, and you were training for a marathon an every single day, you'd you know, maybe you'd run 10 miles. But then every single night, you'd have, you know, three large pizzas, and you'd have ice cream. And you know, you just do really bad things and you'd watch TV for the rest of the day. You're not going to be nearly as efficient as if you were, you know, eating healthy and getting plenty of rest. So you don't want to set yourself up to fail. You want to set yourself up for success. And that is what the evening routine does.

And then our last one here, the healing routine. And this is really important. And another thing that most people miss on the healing journey, your healing routine--again, independence and control--is going to give you a set time to do the healing. It's important because it gives you sacred time to do the things that you need to do.

And a lot of people you know, they have this this for some reason, this myth about PTSD where, you know, if you just spend an hour a week; if you just go see a therapist, an hour a week, once a week or twice a week, then you'll eventually get there. But you need a healing routine, you need a set-in-stone time to do your healing, to do the things that you need to do to fully heal.

If you don't have a healing routine, again, it's going to be like this roller coaster, where you take a step forward and you take a step back. And you know when people talk about PTSD recovery, they they use a lot of terms that are like you know, I'm I was doing well for a little while, but then I relapsed. Okay, and I'm going to talk about this as we get into the third pillar here.

But when you fully heal PTSD, there is no relapse, there is no backsliding, there is no flareup. There's nothing like that. And you setting yourself up with this second pillar here--with building your unbreakable routines--will ensure that you fully get the root; that you fully heal it. So, building unbreakable routines.

If you've ever heard the the fable or the tale--or the story--about the rabbit and the turtle, right: the turtle and the hare. And basically it's this this rabbit which is very fast. And this turtle, which is very slow, and they're in a race, and they're they're racing, I don't know how long it is. But it's... it's a children's story. And they're racing and the turtle is really slow. And he's just taking it one step at a time, one step at a time. And the rabbit just takes off, right? He just just runs as fast as he can. And before he gets to the finish line, he sees a tree and he he sees some shade. And he says, Well, you know, I'm just gonna stop and rest. I've got this, it's all good. I'm going to relax, I'm going to take a nap. And the rabbit falls asleep so long that the turtle actually passes him. And the turtle wins the race--because he was taking consistent action. He was going slow and steady, right?

So they have the term "slow and steady wins the race," because he was consistent; because he didn't have a burst of motivation and then say, you know what, I'm done. He took consistent steps over the long term, and he was able to beat that rabbit, right, he was able to win that race. And that's what building unbreakable routines is all about, right? So, you have to master your mindset to have that foundation; you need your routines to set that foundation; and processing your past is where you heal the root of everything. And we'll go through all of that right now.

So, processing your past: understand how trauma is healed. It's really important to understand how the brain works and how trauma is healed, so you can understand what makes healing faster. What does the journey look like, what makes it slower, what will hold me up, what will make me go faster, and things like that. And, like I said, healing trauma and/or traumas, PTSD and C-PTSD. When it comes to processing your past, it's really important; and we will go into that in a minute. But that you're, you're understanding the journey, because you have to heal the root. And you have to really get everything underneath it, so it doesn't come back.

When you fully heal PTSD and see PTSD, there is no relapse, there is no flareup, no backsliding, anything like that. So if you don't understand how trauma is healed, it's going to be another point where you're just like, maybe, you know, maybe you do some processing and you just don't feel well, you know, and it's very taxing. And you say, "I don't want to do that, again, it was very taxing." But if you understand how trauma is healed, you might understand that that's part of the process. So again, it comes back to thinking long-term and understanding what that looks like. So again, these all build on each other.

Next is releasing inner energy. So in order to process your past, you have to learn how to release inner energy. Because if you don't release inner energy, right, it's like inner energy is like a shaken up bottle of soda or pop, right? And if you have ever held a shaken-up bottle of soda, you'll feel it's very pressurized, you know that that bottle has been shaken up, and you have this tightness and you'll have this racing heart. And for Brad, this was a particularly sticky point for him in his recovery, because he had this racing heart in his chest, that he really couldn't get to go away until we learned how to release that inner energy.

So, if you're someone who experiences you know, tightness in your chest, or even tension headaches, or a racing heart, learning how to release that inner energy is essential; because if you don't, it will come out in other ways, right? So if you if you shake a bottle of soda, long enough and hard enough, it will eventually just kind of burst... or it will leak out in other ways. And so what a lot of times happens is when you don't know how to release that energy, first of all, you push it down for so long--you push it down all your life for most people--and you just keep building on that pressure and building on that pressure.

And you know, this is kind of a reason why it you know, it will come out in other ways. And if you've ever experienced, like you step on a Lego, and you just want to put your fist through a wall, you know, the Lego didn't make you do that, it's because you have this bottled up energy. You have kind of this pent up stuff inside. So if you ever just like get really frustrated at something really small, you know, you drop something, or maybe you trip on something, that's because that energy is so pent up. So you need a way to release that energy. Otherwise, it will come out in your relationship fights, it will come out at the people you love. It'll come out in all sorts of ways anyway; so you need a healthy way to release that to kind of slowly ease the pressure off, so you can fully, fully heal.

And then accept and forgive yourself and others. This is one that can be challenging for people. But it's super important to accept both yourself--right? We talked about self-love--and forgive yourself and others. And this is important for a lot of reasons. But probably most importantly, because if you don't accept yourself and forgive yourself and accept others and forgive others, you end up stuck. And you end up playing these imaginary scenarios in your mind.

So if you've ever been laying down at night, and you've just been like super mad at someone, and you're like, just thinking about like, :Man, I can't believe that John embarrassed me at the Christmas party two years ago." That's not hurting anyone but you. So it's really important that you accept and forgive yourself and others. And forgiveness, I'll just say just now, doesn't have to be a non-selfish act. It's okay if it's a selfish act. So if you accept yourself and forgive yourself and others, you'll be able to exponentially move further faster in your recovery journey.

So it's essential that you do that, and that you're not kind of living in your head and having these fights and having these arguments. And this is all part of processing your past, so you can let those things go, so you can live in the present moment; because the power happens in the present moment. What you do right now directly influences the future that you create. That's the the the only thing that matters, is what you do right now. So if right now you're thinking about an argument, or someone you hate, or someone you want to fight: if you're if you're playing that scenario in your head, you're not able to live your best life and focus on you, and focus on your healing, and focus on the things you need to do.

And then, process the root cause; and there's a little story I want to tell just because of where we are. And like I said, I'm coming to you from home and I'm looking out at our yard and here in New England--I live on the East Coast of the United States--we have this plant, bush, I'm not sure exactly what it is, more like a weed. It's called the Rose of Sharon. And if you live around here, you probably know what I'm about to get at. But the Rose of Sharon, it's a beautiful tree, it looks like a tree at least; I'm not sure botanically what it is. But it's this beautiful tree and it has flowers in the spring, it's gorgeous, is very hardy. Around here, we have a lot of changing of seasons, and weather and humidity and all that. And it's very hardy plant. And we live in a pretty small yard right now.

One year, Brad and I were doing yard work in the spring, and we said, you know what these things are everywhere, we want to get rid of them. And so we took our clippers, we clipped off all the branches, and we clipped them right at the trunk of the tree, right, we just cut them right down. And the next spring came around. And in every place every time we clipped one of the trunks there were I'm not even joking. And again, if you live around here, you know this to be true. There were another 20 Rose of Sharon growing up in its place, right? So we like cut one down and like 20 little ones were growing up in its place. And the reason that that happened is because we didn't get to the root.

So if you don't get to the root of a weed, it will come back; sometimes it will come back in droves. And you know, it took nine months for that to happen. We you know, we cut them down, we're like, oh, great, you know, it's gone, it's gone. We did it, we cleared our yard of these Roses of Sharon. But then the next year, they came back even stronger. So if you're someone who's ever felt like you, again have like relapse--there's no such thing as a relapse when you fully healed your PTSD--or you've like had a flare up, that's likely what's happened, it's likely that you've done healing. And then you've kind of taken a step backwards, because you didn't fully, fully heal the root.

So it's really important to to get at the root and to dig up the root; to get that out so you can be fully healed and fully move forward. And again, if you don't do that, it will always keep coming back.

And then of course you need tools to independently and safely process through. And the key words here are independently and safely. And if you notice, there's a little s on the end of that word tools. So part of how understanding how trauma is healed is understanding that there are channels in the brain. And so, depending specifically on what you've been through, whether it's more emotional, or whether you remember it or not, or whether it's more memories or more thoughts or beliefs, you're going to need a tool to kind of get at all the roots. So to get it all those channels, you're going to need specific tools, again to independently and safely process. If you're not... if you don't have a tool to independently do it, you're back to here, you're back to relying on someone. And if you don't have a tool to safely do it, you can be doing more harm than good.

Now, that doesn't mean it's irreversible if you've done more harm than good before, but it's really important that you have the right tools, so you can get all those channels to independently do it so you're not relying on someone and can safely do it. So you're not making your situation worse. Because again, if you don't have those things, you might not fully get the root. And if you're not fully getting the root, it will always come back.

And then lastly here, we have r-integrate after processing. So this is something that I see in people, and it's it's a little bit of a strange kind of phenomenon. But sometimes what happens is you process your trauma or traumas, and you know, you feel great, but it can actually be very confusing. And it can be kind of a frustrating time for people; because you feel great, you've processed your past, you've gotten at the root; but depending on how long you've suffered or struggled with this will depend on how much you experience this.

But you need to learn how to reintegrate, because your your brain and your body basically are really used to being anxious, they're really used to fighting with your spouse, they're really used to putting holes in the wall. Okay, and so sometimes after you process and after you heal the root, what will happen is you'll you'll kind of get back into a normal life (or maybe for the first time you'll be in a normal life). And your brain will be like, wait a minute, aren't we supposed to fight with our spouse? Aren't we supposed to yell at something? Aren't we supposed to be upset right now? And it can be very confusing, because you'll have mastered your self awareness.

So you'll not understand why you're thinking this. So it's really important to reintegrate after you do that processing. Because if you don't reintegrate, you can end up really frustrated. You can end up still causing relationship problems. You can end up just in kind of a still spiral here. And this is like the last like 5%--it's the last little bit--but it's something I see in people a lot of the time: it's they do the processing, and then they don't quite understand how to just get that last little piece.

You know, we talked about like how Brad really struggled with his his racing heart. And so that was actually something, as well, that we talked about reintegrating after doing that processing, where it was more of a habitual thing in your body and mind. So that is really important as well. And like I said, processing your past is all about getting at the root and digging out the root so that it is no longer there and it is healed.

So that's what we have for the three pillars. mastering your mindset: remember that's the foundation. Building unbreakable routines: remember that is kind of letting the foundation set and and integrating it into your life. And then processing your past. And that's kind of the finishing touches on your house, where you're actually healing the root, you're getting at the root, again in a safe way. So those are the pillars of recovery there.

And now what I want you to ask yourself real quick is... and like I said, people who master this aren't superhuman; they're normal people, they're just like me, they're just like you. They're not superhuman. They just focus on these, and they master these one at a time. So I want... what I want you to do right now with me, is to visualize and imagine what it would feel like to master these things. What would it feel like to master your mindset; to be independent, to be in control, to be so committed that you can push through the blockers to to get that relief on demand? What would that feel like? What would that look like? In a week, in a month, in a year for you if you were able to master these things? If you reconstructed your identity and became the person with the actions with the beliefs with the thoughts that fully recovered?

What would it look like, feel liketo love yourself? and give yourself that compassion? What would it feel like to be the master of your awareness and be in control of your thoughts, and design your beliefs, so they don't limit you so you know what you need to do? And you can do them? And to think long-term. I want you to, I want you to think about what would mastering each of these pillars feel like and do for you in your life? in your relationships, in your career, in your financial aspect of your life, in your family life?

What would it feel like to break your addictions and break free of your bad habits, and build habits that serve you in a healthy way for life? What would it feel like to have a morning routine that set you up everyday for success; to have an evening routine that set you up every single night to maximize your brain's ability to do the healing? What would it feel like to have a healing routine to make sure that you're consistently--remember the hammer--consistently doing the things you need to do to fully heal, so you can get there as quickly as you can?

And what would it feel like to fully process your past to release the inner energy, the tension, the headaches, to understand what that looks like; to accept and forgive yourself and others; to process the root, so you no longer deal with it; to have the tools that at a moment's notice process what you need to process so you can immediately move forward; and to reintegrate... to like really live your life! To have joy, to create--and you'll hear me say create, because it is all about creating those relationships, especially after the turmoil that PTSD does to it.

But what would it feel like to master these things? What would your relationship look like in one year, in five years, in ten years? Think long-term. Think about what that would mean, and allow yourself to go there for just a moment--just humor me--and visualize: what would it feel like? What would it look like? What would what would it be like to master these things?

Because I know you can do it. This is all about how to heal PTSD from home. This is the technology and information age, and you can do this from home. And this is the blueprint, these are the only three things you need to focus on. So if you ever hit a roadblock, if you ever hit a problem you want to ask yourself, "Is this a mindset problem? Is this a routines problem? Or is this a processing problem?" and then work to solve those things.

That's what I have for you. I want you to know from the very bottom of my heart, and I don't just say this, I truly believe in you. I love you. I'm here for you. And I know that you can do it if you focus on these things. Remember the people who heal, the people who do this are not superhuman.

When I was at rock bottom, I did not know any of this. I had to reconstruct my identity, I had to build my routines, and I had to process my past; and it was very challenging ,because I didn't have the blueprint. But after after doing that, you know... again, It took me from a place of anxiety and fights with my boyfriend and unable to be intimate together; and holes in the walls, and frustration, and beating myself up mentally and physically; to a place of self-love, compassion, trust, intimacy, excitement, joy in every area of life. So like I said, feel free to share this. I love you, I believe in you at the very highest level, and I will see you in the next episode.

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