The secret path to how I healed my PTSD - the map

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The secret path to how I healed my PTSD - the map

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Have you ever wanted a map to healing?

Like one of those old-fashioned pieces of paper that showed you how to get from point "A" to point "B"?

If so, you're in luck... Because in today's episode of The Overcoming PTSD podcast, that's exactly what I give you.

I cover the 3 most important things to be able to fully recover:

  1. The foundation to your entire recovery journey
  2. Setting your journey in motion for success
  3. Getting to the root of the pain and eliminating it for good

There is a path to full recovery. You just have to follow it and make sure you stay on track! Otherwise, you could be spinning your wheels for weeks or even decades.

Join me here to get on track and stay on track.

You're not broken,

Kayleen

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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy2q5rFVqkyZAzCGiTvZNig?sub_confirmation=1

Transcript

0:00  

In this episode, we're going to give you the roadmap to healing so you can stop spinning your wheels and know the exact steps you need to take to fully recover. Welcome to the Overcoming PTSD podcast. My name is Kayleen. I am your host today. Typically, we have another host for those of you who listen pretty often, but he can not make it today. So it is just me as your host today. I'm so, so happy to be here with you to show you these steps. And so here's what we're going to be covering in this episode.

0:26  

We're going to be covering the foundation of recovery, setting things in motion, and getting to the root. So I want to dive right in. For those of you who don't know me, I'm a PTSD and C-PTSD recovery coach. I recovered and healed my own C-PTSD after suffering for 17 years. And now I help people all over the world do the same. So I'm really excited about today's episode, again, because we're giving you the roadmap to actual healing. Now this is the step by step process to follow.

0:53  

So what we're basically going to do is we're going to give you an overview of this process, so that you can see the entire map. And then what we're going to do in episodes to come is we're going to dive a bit deeper into each of these things that we cover today. So starting off with the foundation. So if you've been listening to us for a while, maybe you've heard some of our other content, you know, something called the pillars of recovery. And so that's what we're covering in this episode, the pillars of PTSD recovery, and they are as follows.

1:25  

The foundation is mindset: Mastering Your Mindset. This is so important. A lot of people like to skip this step. Mastering Your Mindset is number one. Now they build off of each other. So they're in the order that they're in for a reason. Number two, is Unbreakable Uoutines. So creating unbreakable routines, that's the second pillar. Okay, that's what we're talking about today, when we're talking about setting things in motion. Number three, when we're talking about getting to the root, that is actually Processing Your Past. So that's getting in, doing the deep healing work that needs to be done.

2:00  

Again, they're in the order that they're in for a very specific reason, and that's because they build off of each other, right? Mindset, we're talking about the foundation, what happens when you build a house, what do you put down first? The foundation, right, everything is built off of that foundation. You can think about routines, that second pillar, as you know, kind of the reinforcement of that foundation to let it set, to let it settle, to make sure everything is good. So that we're building off of things, you know, you're putting kind of the frame of the house on with the routines, and then processing, that's where you're doing the deep core work. That's where you're building kind of the rest of the house if we're using that analogy.

2:39  

So let's dive into our first point here, right, which is the foundation of recovery. This is Mastering Your Mindset. So there's a lot that goes on underneath this pillar. Again, what we're going to do is we're going to give you an overview of the things that we cover within the pillar, so that you can get a general understanding. And now as I cover these things, they are also in order for the most part, okay, so the order is really important. A lot of people like to skip, you know, straight to processing their past. And that's where people can go wrong. And it's not necessarily that people will always get hurt, so to speak.

3:12  

But typically what happens is, if you skip right to the third pillar, if you skip right to processing your past, what's gonna happen is you're not going to be able to sustain it, meaning you're not going to be able to get the results that you need to get doing that processing. And therefore you won't fully recover, because you'll only do a little bit and then you'll be stopping because the mindset is not in place, the foundation is not in place. So in regards to mastering your mindset, a couple things I want to talk about.

3:39  

Number one is independent healing. And so again, if you've listened to us for a while, you'll notice something that we say like we're working to cultivate you, and everyone that we work with, as what we call an independent healer. And basically what that means is we want to put the power in your hands. Now, yes, we have the roadmap. Yes, we have the steps, yes, we have the process. And you know, if you coach with us, you'll know that. We put everything in your hands. I'm here to guide you, I'm here to support you. But I'm never here to hold anything back from you. This is too important, this is too big of a deal to hold this information back from you. Right. So the program is a great way to be organized, to stay on track, to get that one on one coaching, to have the community of support. And at the same time, it is your journey to take. I'm here to give you that information. I'm not here to hold stuff over your head or make it so that you lean on me forever; you need to become an independent healer.

4:31  

The reality is that this journey takes a lot of effort. It truly does take a lot of effort, and I'm... we're not going to lie to you about that. It takes effort, and guess who's the only person that can put that work in: it's you. You're the only person on the planet that can actually put the effort in, and so that's why that's the first piece of the foundation of the Mastering Your Mindset pillar. From there. what we typically do is we teach people how to what we call Build Your Recovery Toolbox. Right? Independent healing, getting that mindset, understanding that you need to be at the forefront, you need to be behind the steering wheel.

5:06  

This is your journey most importantly. Everyone else, myself included, we're here to guide you, we're here to give you the information, so that you can take action; so that you can take off and do the things you need to do in your life. Nothing more; not hold anything back. From there, we teach people how to build their recovery toolbox, and what that is... the kind of the fancy way, the fun way of saying, build a toolbox of skills that will help you cope in a healthy way with the things that are going on with you day to day. Okay, so if you're if you're having anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks, depression: tools to help you eliminate those things on a daily basis.

5:44  

Now, these are coping skills, these are not healing skills. This is not what's getting to the root, to the core. This is helping you manage so that you can focus on all the other work that needs to be done. So it's an essential part of the journey. And it's just scratching the surface at the same time. So this is coping... again, so day to day, you can get these things under control so that you can focus on the other work that needs to be done. As you get further and further into the content--as you get towards the the third pillar further into this journey, what you're going to see is that you do the deep healing work, and you no longer need to cope with those things. So those coping skills, you know, we kind of think of them like a bandaid, that's something that you're just kind of doing each day. It's not solving anything, but it is helping you get where you want to go at the same time. So that's important.

6:29  

Now Brad has mentioned on previous episodes that we're releasing a book, right, so I wrote this book in the past year, and it's that exactly, it's the best coping skills, the best all around coping skills for each issue that you're going to deal with in regards to PTSD. Now, that book is not out yet. But when it does come out, it's gonna be a free book. So all that we... we're putting the book out there for free, and it's just... all you have to do is pay for shipping for the book. So we're really, really excited about that, because it is part of that very beginning foundation.

6:59  

And I'm so excited that you're here with us. But I'm really, really excited to get that book out to you; again, so that you can start taking action on this work. And again, as we get further into our podcast episodes here, we're gonna go deeper into each of these things. I'm just trying to give you kind of a broad overview. Now the next thing we like to talk about is something we call, you know, Becoming Someone Who Will Recover.

7:19  

And this is really interesting, because we, we tend to get a lot of uncertainty from people at this point. And so when I say becoming someone who will recover, I also typically... you'll hear me say, you know, the you that you are now is not the you that will recover and heal from PTSD. And people are usually like, What do you mean, like me, Ican't change who I am, this is who I am. And I don't mean like at a, whether it's a spiritual or a deep level, you will always be you, yes; but your habits, your thoughts, your actions, the things that you do right now, externally and internally, again, your heart, your soul, whatever it is, you're always going to be you.

7:55  

But the things you do externally and internally will not be the same when you are that person who fully recovers. And so we kind of create this, this, this gap, there's this gap between who you are now and who you'll be when you fully recover. And now typically what happens... and the way that I describe it to people is: who you are now is a hurt version of you. Who you are, when you fully recover, that's the true version of you. That's the you without of pain. And so what we do is we kind of paint the picture, and we kind of create this, this timeline of here is you now and here are the thoughts, the beliefs, the actions, the habits that you have. Here's the you that fully recovers, we start to paint this picture, what does that look like? Here are their actions, their thoughts, their beliefs, so that we kind of have something that we're aiming for.

8:42  

Now, I don't give you the person that you should become. And this is again, part of that independent healing. I'm not saying you have to believe this and think this and do this and bla bla bla bla bla;, no, no, no, you are your own person. I'm here to guide you in creating that version of yourself, whatever it looks like to you; because it is true you without the pain. So that's kind of the next step there. And then a huge thing, under this pillar of Mastering Your Mindset-- under this first foundational pillar--is cultivating self love and compassion.

9:13  

Now this one, you know, for me on my journey at rock bottom, if someone said this to me, like you need to learn how to cultivate self love and compassion, I would have been so upset at them I would have been like, that sounds so stupid. You have no idea you're talking about and I will never do that I don't like myself. I don't plan to like myself, even if I know that I can heal whatever it is. I don't plan on that being a part of it. But cultivating self love is compassion. And another way to kind of think about this is like, you're changing the perspective that you have on yourself. Now if you have PTSD, C-PTSD, whatever it is, and you're in a relationship, you might know the damage that it can do. The damage (for lack of a better term) that you can do; that the pain can cause you to take.  

9:57  

And I wish he was here with us in this episode today. cuz I like to share when we talk about this, this story about the Ice Cream Sandwich. So I'll share a shortened version. And then on future episodes, I'm sure we'll touch on it again. But many, many years ago now, Brad and I were in in the midst of everything. And I was eating an ice cream sandwich, I worked at this place that they gave, you know, we were allowed to have like an ice cream a day. They had a little ice cream chest, and I was having an ice cream sandwich. And we were in some sort of argument, I was lashing out at him big time. And you know, we're outside of this place. No one else was around, right? It was just the two of us.

10:33  

But I was halfway through this ice cream sandwich and I threw it at him, I was so mad, I threw this ice cream sandwich at him. Right, total waste of an ice cream sandwich. And there were certainly worse things that I did in our relationship in regards to fights and yelling and lashouts and stuff like that. But I like that one. It's kind of an innocent one. And a total waste of an ice cream sandwich. Of course, you know, there were definitely broken dishes, there were holes in the walls, all things like that, you know, but after that, after I kind of cooled off from that, and was reflecting on that, you know, either later that day, or the next day, I felt so bad. I felt so guilty. I was like, that is not me. I didn't mean to do that. Why did I do that? I couldn't understand that.

11:10  

And you know, cultivating self love and compassion is basically getting this new perspective on yourself, seeing why you're doing... understanding why you're doing those things, and, and how they're actually different from true you, and how you can start to separate and see that those things are not your fault. They are certainly not your fault.

11:28  

And you know, the repercussions of those things are your responsibility, right? It was my responsibility to go and talk to Brad and apologize to him, right? And it is my responsibility or was my responsibility at the time to, you know, figure out why I did that and fix why I did that to ensure that that didn't happen in the future. And so cultivating self love and compassion, really just getting that different perspective on yourself really helps you see, what's you, what's your PTSD? What can you control, what can you work to heal and, and unmuddle that entire mess. And a lot of people like to, you know, when they go through that journey also, then if you have a partner or spouse or whatever it is, share that information with their spouse, because it typically, it makes a lot of sense for everyone, when you can kind of see the difference when you can be clear about the perspective of this is me, this is PTSD. And it clears a lot of things up. So that's an important part of Mastering Your Mindset.

12:23  

Beyond that, still in Mastering Your Mindset... again, we're covering things at a high level. Each of these things that I'm just briefly kind of discussing here today, I have hours of content on each one of them. Typically, it's like an hour and 15 minutes, an hour and a half of teaching specifically on these topics. So we are just scratching the surface today. But I want to give you an overview, so you can start painting this journey for yourself. So you can start taking the right steps to get where you want to go.

12:51  

So the next one here is Mastering Self Awareness. Big, big topic, right? I don't even know really where to begin with this topic, because it's such a big topic. But mastering self awareness is so important, you need to be aware of what's going on internally and externally. Because guess what, you can't solve a problem that you don't know exists, right? That's why awareness is so important. Because if you don't know a problem exists, there's no chance that you're going to fix it. There's no chance that you're going to be able to take the right actions, the appropriate steps to deal with whatever it is. So mastering self awareness. And again, there's a lot that goes into that, including actions, thoughts, beliefs, triggers, so much that goes in there.

13:33  

The next thing here is is the Power of Positive and Negative Thinking. This is so important. You'll hear us refer to this concept as inputs, inputs, and your inputs are really, really important, right. And so basically, you think about the world around you is full of things that you are consuming at an intellectual level, at a sometimes a physical level, right. But all of these things around you influence the way that you think; the way that you speak; the way that you act; the things that you believe. You know, if you grow up in an environment with a role model who is so, so amazing. And you just see them, like let's say it's a relationship and you see this person, just adore the other person in the relationship and, and be kind to them and treat them with respect and treat them with, again, like kindness and love and just listen to them and understand them and like see them. If that's your role model, that's what you're going to kind of be seeking in your relationships. You're going to say, "Oh, that's what that's supposed to look like!" Right? And so that's just an example of inputs.

14:39  

By the same token, if you've ever maybe been watching a scary TV show or something, and maybe you're watching the series for a while and you fall asleep and you dream about the characters, all of these things influence your mind. They influence your behavior as a result because they influence your thoughts, your emotions and different things like that.

14:57  

If you ever... I love to pick on you Shonda Rhimes, okay, Shonda Rhimes. She's the writer of Grey's Anatomy and a bunch of other amazing, amazing shows. And Shonda Rhimes is a fantastic manipulator of human emotion. I mean, this woman is unbelievably talented. And I remember watching Grey's Anatomy, you know, this this show has been a long time. I think it's even still running. And it is so intense. It is so emotional. You feel for the characters, you know, especially in the season finales, right? You like feel all the feelings, maybe you even emote while you're watching this, right? And I remember watching that and then starting to kind of think about things that could happen. I remember Brad was late one night, and I just watched a bunch of Grey's Anatomy all day. And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, this could happen. This could happen. This could happen. This could happen, right? It's a medical drama. Okay.

15:42  

And so I love to pick on Shonda Rhimes, because she is so so good at creating this really intense input for us. Right. And while that's awesome as a writer--she has this unbelievable power, and I absolutely respect that--you know, when you're hurting, you want to watch out for things like that, because things like that can make you feel better if they are good inputs, right. And again, I'm picking on Shonda Rhimes. Grey's Anatomy, not such a good input if you're trying to heal. But there are things that could make you feel better, right?

16:11  

Watching, like things like this--listening to things like this--they're going to make you feel more motivated, they're going to make you feel like taking action, like hopeful, right? Listen to things that make you feel like that. So that's what positive and negative thinking is all about. It's really all about the inputs that you're kind of taking in, in the world around you, internally and externally, which is why awareness was the step before that. Because if you're not aware of what's going on internally, you're not going to see the inputs that are there and the impact of those inputs.

16:40  

Now I know I'm going a little bit far. But that's kind of how we, we, we structure it right, awareness comes first and then positive/negative thinking and inputs: really, really powerful work there. The next thing is CRafting Powerful Beliefs. Our world is made up of the things that we believe. Every single belief that we have, we have hundreds, if not hundreds of 1000s if not millions of beliefs that we hold about ourselves in the world around us. You know, if you if you think that you are athletic, if you believe that you're athletic, and you pick up a new sport--right now I'm in Florida and visiting some family, and they play this sport down here. It's called pickleball. And it's like a combination of table tennis and actual tennis. So ping pong and tennis. And it's a really fun, high energy sport, like played with like a wiffle ball, right?

17:33  

And now I have this belief that I am athletic. All of my life, I've played sports, people have always told me I'm athletic. I have an athletic build, I have this belief that I'm athletic, so I can go and play with them and be great. And like right out the gate be great at any sport, because I have this belief that I'm athletic. Now if I didn't believe that I'm athletic right now--so I'm also kind of an intellectual Right? And, and more of a, you know, sometimes in some areas of my life more artsy, right? I played music in high school, I love to play the guitar. I like to write music. I like to create, whether it's trainings or teachings, different things like that. I like to create content as well.

18:11  

Now, if I had done that more when I was younger, which I didn't, I fell into sports first. If I had done that more when I was younger, people might have said, "Oh, you're so creative. Oh, you're so artsy." Right? And so I would have bu T?ilt this belief that I'm artsy. Now, what do we believe typically about people who are artsy, they're not necessarily good at sports. My older brother, super intellectual, very artsy, was very into theater when when we were in high school, and that was kind of his thing. I was the athlete, he was the smart guy that also did theater and, and he could sing and do all these things, right. And so when he picks up a sport, you know, he has this belief that he's not athletic, right, even though we are like, he's much taller than I am. But like similar builds, same family, same background, he has the belief that he's not athletic. So he starts these sports, and he's a little bit clumsy at first, and it takes him a lot more effort. And he has, you know, again, just these certain beliefs around these things.

19:05  

Now, it's really, really, that's a silly example. But we have beliefs about every single thing in our life, from the kind of car that we drive, or the kind of car that we prefer, that we think is safest that we believe is safest, to our beliefs about ourselves. If you believe that you are a good person, what kind of happens is, there's something called the belief cycle. Not to get too too deep into this, but the belief cycle is basically the cycle by which you lead your life. And this cycle basically builds on itself again, and again, and again. And the belief cycle is the reason that you spiral down or you spiral up. And you can kind of think of it like, if you believe that you're a good person, you believe that you're a good person, you're going to take actions that are reflective of that. Those actions, you're going to see those actions as "Oh, I did that because I'm a good person," and it's going to build on itself again and again.

19:56  

If you believe you're a good person, you're going to look for opportunities subconsciously to be Good person. You're going to take those actions, and it's going to spiral and spiral and spiral. If you believe you were a bad person, what's going to happen? You believe you're a bad person, maybe you do something. And because you have that belief that you're a bad person, your brain is gonna say, "See, I told you told you are a bad person." And you're going to say, "You know what, you're right. There's proof that I'm a bad person." And it's going to spiral you down and down and down. Right?

20:23  

And so these are how examples again, we're going to go into this and other episodes of how beliefs control your life, okay? Because the reality is, is that, you know, we, we live this kind of existence and things happen to us, we do things, things happen for us, whatever it is, but our life is based on how we see those events. How we see those events. If I believe I'm a good person, and I do something that accidentally hurts someone, see the word that I just used, I use the word accidentally, if I believe I'm a good person, and I hurt someone, what's my brain going to do? It's gonna say, "Oh, you're a good person, that was an accident, you didn't mean to do that." Look at your intentions going in. If I believe I'm a bad person, and still, I accidentally hurt someone, my brain is gonna say, "See, look what you did, because you're a bad person." Okay?

21:14  

Again, I know I'm getting a little bit deep for our podcast here today. But crafting powerful beliefs is so important, because you can change the negative beliefs that you have. Here's, here's the, the moral here, the goal, you can change the negative beliefs that you have to be positive beliefs!, I used to think that I was basically the worst person that walked the face of the earth. I, you know, I would just hate myself, all these super negative things. But you can change those beliefs. And it's not this forceful effort of like pretending that you're something that you're not. What it is, is you're figuring out why you believe certain things about yourself. You're seeing that things are actually different than what you believe. Again, and going a little bit far here.

21:53  

And then you're you're realizing a positive belief about yourself, seeing why that belief is actually true. So again, a little bit far but powerful crafting powerful beliefs is super, super important in regards to mastering your mindset. And then the last piece of mastering your mindset, which actually leads us into the second pillar, is all about Consistent Healing and Long Term Thinking. And this truly is a mindset thing, right? This whole pillar is about mindset. super important that you're consistent in the work that you do.

22:23  

But what happens if you... let's say, you're training for a marathon, and you run 10 miles one day, and then don't run again, for the next couple of months, what's gonna happen? you're not really going to build up endurance, you're not gonna have stamina, when it comes time for that marathon. What happens if you run one mile a day, and each week, you increase the mileage by half a mile? What's going to happen in a couple of months, when you get to that marathon? You're going to, you're going to have the energy, you're going to have the, excuse me, the, the stamina to actually complete that at the right pace and complete it fully. Right.

23:01  

And so consistency is really, really important in this journey. And this is where a lot of people get tripped up. Now, this journey is not going to take you forever, but it's going to take a little while. And even if it's just months, which it can be just months. But even if it's just months, what's going to happen, or what happens with a lot of people is that, you know, they take some action, and maybe they even start to feel a little bit better. And then they stop taking action. And they have this big seesaw effect; this big, we call it a ping, like a ping pong, right, it's just back and forth, and back and forth. And you take all this action, you feel a little bit better, you stop taking action, you take all this action, you feel a little bit better, until you feel like low enough where you're like, I have to take more action, right, and you go back and forth, and back and forth. And that's why that consistency is so important, because instead of going back and forth for years or decades, you can just stay steady.

23:46  

And if you stay steady, you're going to be in this constant state of growth. And that's how you're going to achieve the goal faster. That's what's really important about that. So in the second pillar, Unbreakable Routines, a couple of things that go into routines. Number one is just understanding what habits are... the power that habits have over us. I want you to picture yourself right now, or I want to think about, you know, you're getting dressed in the morning, you're putting pants or putting shorts on whatever it is, which leg do you put in first? Think about that. You might be like, "What are you saying? I have no idea."

24:20  

But guess what? I would hazard to guess that each morning when you get dressed, you put the same leg in first. Now the next time you get dressed, you're gonna be all tripped up, you're gonna be like, I don't know, I don't know. But watch yourself; become aware of when you're getting dressed and what leg you put in. 90% of the time, it's going to be the same leg every time because you've built the habit around it. You built a system. We are systems creatures, our brains are wired to basically seek the least amount of effort to achieve a goal.

24:47  

What that means... or let's actually step back, to why? Because we are wired to conserve energy, right? At a primitive level, at like cave-person level, we're wired to conserve energy because just In case there's a dinosaur, we're gonna need that energy. Right? And so we're wired to create these systems, so we do not have to think about the things that we do each day, the things that we do again and again and again, if you've ever been driving and all of a sudden, you end up at your place of work, or you end up at home and you're like, how did I get here? Y

25:17  

aour brain is creating these systems. It's not that you're unsafe and doing that your brain is conserving energy, because it no longer needs the amount of effort that it did maybe the first time you got behind the wheel. Do you think about getting in the car? Do you remember buckling your seatbelt last time you got in the car? You probably don't. Right? Because it is a habit: you get in the car, you buckle that seatbelt, and you turn the car on. You have these habits; they really drive your life, they build your life.

25:45  

And we have habits internally and externally. The seatbelt one is an awesome example. Because you get in the car and you don't even realize; you're not like okay, what do I do now? Okay, time to buckle my seatbelt. Unless it's your first time in the car, right? You're not like, okay, hold on, don't forget to buckle your seatbelt. It just happens. It's automatic, you can do it while having a conversation, you can do a while holding a bunch of things, right? Because your brain has built these habits.

26:09  

So, understanding how powerful habits are, and that we have habits internally and externally. What is an example of an internal habit? How about this, right, you have maybe a long day at work. And on your drive home, you're thinking like, this has been such a stressful day, like I just want to, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna watch some TV, I'm gonna have, I'm gonna have a glass of wine, I'm gonna have a bath, and I'm just gonna like relax, and then fall asleep.

26:34  

What's happening there is you're feeling some sort of stress, right? And then your brain is going through this, this basically system of thinking that is planning your next external actions, right? Now this can work for you or against you, maybe you know, you don't want to be watching TV and having wine. Right. And because you feel that stress, that is a habit that your brain does, your brain says, here's what we're going to do, we're gonna have wine, we're gonna watch some TV, even though you're trying to not drink wine, you're right, you're trying to quit, and you're trying to not watch TV, your brain has this habit of 'these are the things that we do'. And it starts internally before it turns external.

27:11  

Okay, we also have habits of thinking patterns, whether that's negative thinking or positive thinking, whether that's habits of gratitude or habits of, you know, not expressing gratitude and looking at things negatively. Those are examples of internal habits. So habits are super, super powerful. The next thing under Unbreakable Routines is understanding basically how to, we call it installing your new operating system, right, we just we try to come up with kind of fun names to talk about this stuff. But is, is understanding how to actually change your habits, right? habit change.

27:46  

If you've ever tried to lose weight, if you've ever tried to get in shape, you'll know that it's not necessarily simple, it does not happen at the flip of a switch. So understanding how habits actually work, how habits are formed, and how you can change habits, how you can install those new systems, so to speak, so that, you know you're getting what you want out of your life and your habits are serving you, right? So if right now your habits aren't serving you, because they're causing you to overeat. And they're causing you to drink and they're causing me to watch TV and all these different things, you need to figure out how to install this new operating system, So that those habits--in the in the same way that you get in the car and you buckle your seatbelt,TThat's automatic, right--you can make these positive habits automatic as well. So understanding how to make that switch.

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And then we talk about something called the Five Recovery Rabits, and I'm gonna read them out for you. And these different habits are really just things that you want to focus on in regards to recovery. So just again, five different habits to to make like, this is where we take the mindset pillar and the routines pillar and start to overlap even more, right. So the habit of awareness, really important. the habit of positivity, remember, we talked about negative and positive thinking and inputs, those are two of the habits. the habit of acceptance: this is an interesting one, because it's not necessarily acceptance of things that are you know, happening or acceptance of negative people or anything like that.

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But there's something we kind of specifically mean when we talk about acceptance, and it's basically just, like, work with the reality around you. These are things that's happening; now what can we do about it? the habit of taking action now. If you've listened to us for a while, you know, I'm all about action, you have to take action to get results. That's the only way to get results: you need to take action. So the habit of action now. And then we have a fifth habit, which is the habit of healthy living, and that's one that kind of happens, you know, it happens throughout the journey, but it typically also happens after you do much of your processing, because things start to click into place. You know, you start to change these habits, and you want to do habits to take care of yourself.

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Now, why mindset needs to come first is because you know, basically if you didn't go through that work that was cultivating self love and compassion, you're not going to be inclined to do this kind of habit of healthy living. So that is what we have in regards to, you know, getting things set in motion; that is all about the routines pillar. So pillar one: mindset. Pillar two: routines.

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Now pillar three, our third pillar here is all about processing your past. So this is about getting to the root of everything. So in this pillar here, and this is the pillar that most people are tempted to skip to, and this is the pillar, I for sure do not recommend skipping to. My goal, as a coach--my job--is to get you to full recovery as fast as possible. I would not put in two entire full pillars, before the processing pillar, if they were not absolutely necessary. If it was not absolutely necessary, it would not be there. There is no fluff in the work that I do, because all of it is important and all of it leads to setting you up for success in the biggest way possible.

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So one of the first things you know, to master underneath this pillar is something we call Preparing to Process Your Past. Now a lot of people hold beliefs about what this means. You know, this is not the big bad wolf, processing your past is not the big bad wolf. It does not have to be this big, scary, you know, in and of itself traumatic thing. It does not, right? And so you need to start to kind of break the beliefs, figure out the beliefs that you hold about processing your past, so that you can prepare to actually process your past.

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No beyond that, you also need to understand, okay, what in my life needs to be processed? Now, in the mindset work that you've already completed, if you're kind of at this point in your journey, one of the things you'll have done is actually kind of take an inventory, so to speak, of different things in your life that that trigger you, that hurt you, that harm you. So, you have an idea of what roads to kind of travel down in regards to this processing. So all about--excuse me--preparing.

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The next thing is all about acceptance and forgiveness. So, this is an interesting one. This one is in regards to like the flow of things, not necessarily in like the the order that you might need it in, right. So this is something that it can be a little bit fluid. So this is something that you might not right out the gate need. Or this is something that out the gate, you might be like this is so, so necessary for you to need.

32:15  

But acceptance and forgiveness are two things that we kind of cover within that section of processing your past, for a couple different reasons. Acceptance: everyone needs to kind of understand that kind of concept. And we briefly talked about that in the pillar of routines, right, of creating unbreakable routines, right? That habit of acceptance, accepting reality as is; that's important. And that's why we cover that there. Forgiveness, important thing as well, as you go through this journey of processing, you know, there might be some self forgiveness that you need to do, there might be some forgiveness of others that you need to do for self reasons. So there's a few things that go into that there.

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And then we cover something called the Unbreakable Healing Routine. And so basically, so you can see all these things kind of coming together. Already in this pillar, we've touched on mindset, and we've touched on routine. So we've already touched on two things that we learned in previous pillars. Okay, so this unbreakable routines, or excuse me, this, this unbreakable healing routine, is to help you get that consistency in your healing.

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So to create this, and to kind of turn this into what I like to call a temporary lifestyle: so this is something that you take action on. This is not something that you need to do forever, this does not go on forever. But this is something that you need to work into your life, into your habits, so you can get the most out of it. So you can basically do this as quickly as possible, whether that's weeks or months, getting this into your routines, that's going to get you to that goal line as quickly as possible. So creating that routine, and then how to kind of like best create that routine, right? So just some recommendations on when that's going to work best.

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Then, you know, something that we talk about, and something that you want to make sure that you have on this journey are at least a few different tools and skills to actually do the processing and get to the root of whatever it is that needs healing. So we specifically teach four different tools, four tools, four skills to go in at basically different angles to do the healing that needs to be done. Okay, and so there's one for kind of thoughts, there's one for like, more emotions or also feelings in your body. There's one for memories, and there's one for beliefs. And so you can see we kind of take a few different angles.

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So if you know if you're having this... like, you know, for some people, they experience maybe anxiety and they also feel it in their body, right? So if you're just having this, like I just have this like tightness in my chest, we have a tool for that. And you're like, I just don't know what it is, I don't know what's causing that stress in my body. Right? That's something, you know, we have a tool for. If you're like I just have this belief that I'm an awful person, we have a tool for that. If you have a specific memory, we have a tool for that. If you have a kind of protruding negative thought, we have a tool for that. Right?

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So you can see we kind of cover a few different angles, and then as you get comfortable with the tools, what you can kind of do is actually overlap them. So really powerful, really important that you have tools for those different things. And something else we cover here--and this is important as well--is, you know, when to actually get more help on this journey, when it might be really helpful to work with a professional; to work with just some someone to guide you and just kind of keep you focused. I know for me, I am someone that can very easily get unfocused, very easily get distracted.

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So there's huge benefit to even if you're working with the tools and skills, and you're being the independent healer, just kind of meeting with someone weekly, to say, Okay, here's what we're doing, I just need you to kind of keep me on track, right? ebcause that's gonna put what we call kind of like a positive pressure, like a boundary, on not work, so that you can stay focused as much as possible and get the most out of it. So just understanding when it might be time to work with someone like that, and how to get the most out of that. And, that is again, really, really important and can be super, super beneficial.

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So, if you liked today's podcast, hit subscribe, and we will see you soon for more advice on healing. Like I said, we're going to go through each of these things in depth, in detail. If you know anyone that is also struggling with this, make sure you share this with them. This is the roadmap to full recovery. Now we do more work beyond that. We talk about communication, we talk about relationships, there's so much that we didn't cover in this podcast, but I wanted to give you a broad overview so that you can start to kind of paint the picture, create the map for yourself, take some notes, see where you're at, see where you need to go. See the information that you still need to find out, that you still need to uncover to get to full recovery.

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So that will be... there'll be more in more podcasts. So hit subscribe; and we will see you very, very soon.

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