You're Not A Failure

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You're Not A Failure

Has the pain from your past crushed you into thinking you've failed at everything?

I used to think I never would amount to anything...That I was doomed to fail at everything because I couldn't even get myself out of bed to do the simplest of things.

Even just going to the store to buy groceries felt like I was climbing Mount Everest. Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever had big goals in life, but then were unable to take action on them because of your trauma or PTSD?

If you have, my heart goes out to you...Because having a big goal and not being able to make progress on it is one of the most painful things on the planet.

If you've ever struggled with this I have a message you NEED to hear.

The truth is that you're NOT a failure, you've just gone through a lot and are in a lot of pain. That's not your fault. We just need to start reframing what success looks like and start making little steps forward...because those little steps will add up and one day you'll look back in amazement with how far you've come.

You're never too broken, you're not a failure, and you're not alone.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

You got this,
Brad

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Transcript

0:01  
Hi everybody, Brad Schipke here and today I have another very important message that I want to tell you that I want to share with you.

0:08  
Because I hear it all the time, and I had it myself in my own life. People who have PTSD who have gone through so much trauma, feel that they are just complete failures. And that's just not the truth, you're not a failure, you haven't failed at anything, you've just gone through something extremely, extremely hard, you're in a lot of pain.

0:26  
And that's not your fault. You're not failing, I used to think I was the biggest failure, biggest loser in the world. And I just remember being in my basement, at my rock bottom, and I probably put on 2030 pounds, I couldn't hold a job.

0:44  
I had all these big goals of starting a business and growing into this massive enterprise. And I couldn't take any constructive steps to get there. I just remember waking up morning after morning after morning, and not wanting to face the day, it was just too painful to wake up to get up to do anything.

1:03  
Even just getting out of bed to take a shower felt like I was climbing Mount Everest, I felt like it was like this big, impossible job because I had this huge massive weight, just on my chest and on my shoulders. From all the pain I went through in my past, and you know that wears you down.

1:22  
When you go through days and days and weeks, and months and years of wanting these big goals and not being able to take action to achieve them, that wears you down to the point where you start believing that those big goals aren't for you in the first place, that maybe you aren't really cut out for this or you're not made for or that those that life just isn't for you anymore, because you're broken, you're a failure, you're a loser. And none of that is possible for you.

1:57  
But I'm here today to tell you that that's not true. It's just a bunch of crap. It's a bunch of crap that we believe. And it's not that you're a failure. It's not that you've, you know, you've failed on all these things, or that you're a loser that you can't do these things, it's that you've been through an immense amount of pain, you've been through so much trauma.

2:19  
And you're not affiliate, you're just hurt, you're just hurt. That's it. And what you need right now isn't more pressure. Is it more self talk, telling you how bad you are, or how much of a failure you are thinking about all the things that you've, you know, failed on all the people you've let down, I know what that feels like. And that is soul crushing. You don't need any more of that.

2:49  
You need love, you need understanding. You need to look at yourself from a different perspective and see you as you would see one of your loved ones in the same experience.

3:01  
Because I guarantee you that you would not say the things you say to yourself to someone you love, who's experiencing exactly. Who was if they were experiencing exactly what you're experiencing right now.

3:15  
You will tell them, Hey, it's okay, you're gonna get through this. And no matter what it takes, I'm here every step of the way, right by your side, to love you to support you, and to push you to get there.

3:29  
But instead of doing that for ourselves, we tell ourselves that we're loser, that we're failure, that we'll never get this. But that's just not the case. So you need to become your own best friend, your own best lover, your own best cheerleader, whatever that is to you. That inner self talk is so vital during these moments of hardship.

3:51  
And what are you saying to yourself? What are you saying it to yourself, maybe you're not even aware of the mental patterns or the mental loops that you keep going down again, and again and again, and you're just driving that, that screw deeper.

4:06  
You're just driving that belief deeper and deeper and deeper into yourself. Every time you repeat those thoughts. And that's where it starts to change. You start becoming aware of when you have those negative loops, and you start making the intentional choice to switch that that intentional choice to interpret your situation differently. Because your situation is the way it is that's the reality, but it's the way that we interpret reality that affects us.

4:35  
And that interpretation is up to you. How are you going to interpret your scenario? Are you going to interpret everything that's happened to you and come to the conclusion that you're a failure, you'll never do anything right and you'll never amount to anything. That's what a lot of people do.

4:52  
But that's just one interpretation. And your input interpretation can be changed. You can reinterperet your life, to look at it from the lens of, hey, I've just gone through something extremely, extremely hard. And that's okay. I need to be patient with myself, I need to love myself, I need to look at see wins in different arenas.

5:17  
So like, when I was back hurting so much, I was like, Okay, if I am not taking action, if I'm not working 10 to 12 hours a day, on my job on my dream on my business, then I'm a failure, that was my benchmark for success. Right? Maybe what's your benchmark, right? Like? Where are you setting that where it's like, okay, if I do this, then I'm, I'm a success. If I do anything less than this, then I'm an absolute failure piece of shit that will never amount to anything.

5:47  
Right? That's, that's, that's how we talk to ourselves, right? It's like we set these bars that are really just arbitrary in the first place. And then we're like, if we don't achieve this, then we're nothing, we're dirt.

5:57  
What is that bar for you. And what you need to do is you need to lower that. And I like I like, there's part of me that hates that. And I'm not saying lower the bar, in your overall dreams or goals. Keep your overall vision and your goals high. But you need to lower your bar to be like, what's a win and what isn't? What constitutes I had a great day today.

6:18  
And whatever not, but really, it comes down to what, what is progress. What is a win for me in this moment. Because wins can look differently regard or depending on where you are in your recovery journey. In the very beginning, a wind could be I got up this morning, I took a shower, I went for a walk, I meditated, I watched a video, that can be a win. But we don't realize that we don't see that in our life, we don't see that, hey, I did something good for me. And that's progress for me.

6:52  
But a lot of times we don't. We don't give ourselves credit. where credit's due. So what you need to start doing is celebrating yourself for the smallest of wins.

7:07  
And they seem small, but they really are huge. And you want to start shifting your mindset to be looking for those things automatically. And what I want you to do right now reflect on your day right now, wherever you are, what is one win that you had today, something in the past that you may have looked at and then like that's not a big deal. But then reinterpreting your life, your situation where you are right now, to look back on that and be like, that's a win. That's a massive win for me. And then actually taking a second to close your eyes. And take that in.

7:39  
I want you to do that. What is one win? And something that I highly, highly recommend everybody do every one of our clients, everyone that we meet, is write down three wins that you had in that day. And it doesn't matter how small. But what that does, it starts to rewire your brain to start looking for wins for progress in areas that you haven't seen before. And you wouldn't believe the difference that that small practice makes just looking.

8:09  
How did I? What did I do? Well today, right? How often do you look at my friend? I did it I did a good job today. How often do you like give yourself credit or give yourself a pat on the back for anything? We're so harsh on ourselves, You're so harsh on yourself, and you don't need to start becoming aware of that internal roommate, that person that's always in your head always talking? What are they saying?

8:36  
Are they saying good things are the same that next and whether or not that dialogue changes is 100%. Up to you.  This work comes down to you on a moment by moment basis. And by creating systems and processes to help yourself stay consistent by having that nightly routine where you write down those three wins.

9:04  
Or by having that nightly routine about writing down those gratitudes. That's another practice that we have all of our clients do writing down five gratitudes three wins every single day. In that small practice will change your life.

9:20  
Because it's all about changing the way that you perceive yourself and your situation. So what I want to leave you with today's you're not a failure, you haven't failed. You haven't done anything wrong. You're in a lot of pain you need to reframe your life. You need to reframe progress. What does progress look like for you? You need to celebrate that progress each and every day. Look for it. Look for right now. Where are you making progress in your life because you're making progress.

9:46  
You're just not crediting yourself for that progress. So look for the progress. Know that you're not broken, know that you're not a failure. Know that you can do this. And with every little win that you see in your life, you're going to notice

10:00  
Hey, that's progress. And you're going to start to believe more and more that recovery from all this pain is possible but it starts with the smallest of wins. So focus on those small wins and they will become bigger and bigger and bigger. I hope you enjoyed this video. If you did, hit that subscribe button, and I will see you later.

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